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courtweek.com - archives: 2011november 1, 2011the law of post-halloween legal standardstoday jest all saints day or all hallows, a holy day of obligation for some. to others, its just the day after halloween -- a day they forget was once merely all hallows eve. some spend all hallows recovering from the revelry of the night before, and some are still on the streets in the wee hours of the holy day. our case of the week examines once such alleged citizen on the streets and the unfortunate lesson she learned about differing standards of legal review in a california appellate decjestion handed down last week.lets make a dealangelique bongiovanni found herself in the legal system in 2009, charged with possession of methamphetamine in two separate cases. in a deal that would come od tyłu to hciotka her on the day after halloween, she made a plea bargain in one of the cases. under the plea agreement, ms. bongiovanni pleaded no contest, and was placed on probation for trójkącik years. as an added bonus, her 365-day jail sentence was suspended to run concurrently with the sentence from her other drug bust.it seemed lubi a good deal at the time, and it would have been...if only she hadnt allegedly been out with the witches, warlocks, goblins, and alleged gang members on the streets of los angeles on all hallows 2009.all hallows hijinkson nov. 1, 2009, wendy diaz lived with her mąż and trójkącik children in a los angeles neighborhood with a gang problem. perhaps not unlubi chauncey and wadsworth fighting over tee times, the proper procedure for shaking martinjest, or the najlepsze way to train a polo pony, ms. diazs neighborhood twarzd fights from the gentlemen and kobiety of the rival gangs, vincent town, and columbus street. police arrested a columbus street gang member for breaking into the diaz w domu.after taking her children trick-or-treating on halloween evening, ms. diaz ventured outside at approximately 1:00 in the morning of all hallows to look for a friend parking on the street. instead, ms. diaz said she saw ms. bongiovanni accompanied by a companion in a pumpkin costume.according to ms. diaz, ms. bongiovanni proceeded to engage in an expletive-laden tirade of threats. to accommodate the gentle readers of courtweek.com who would rather witness a debate between chauncey and wadworth on the najlepsze ways to make covert contributions to the republican national committee instead of enduring the vile threats of alleged gang members, we will attempt to sanitize the vulgarity of ms. bongiovannjest alleged utterances.ms. diaz said ms. bongiovanni approached her and called her an [expletive deleted] snitcher, adding, you been [expletive deleted] snitching.you and your family are coming down, ms. bongiovanni stated allegedly, as she jest said to have added for emphasjest, you [expletive deleted] rata, and [expletive deleted] all biccicletas.to assjestt our readers in appreciating the full flavor of ms. bongiovannjest supposed soliloquy, we should note that each deleted expletive jest a version of the same slang word referring to an act of sexual intimacy. in addition, rata can refer to a soviet fighter plane from the 1930s, plants from the metrosideros genus in new zealand, or rat in spanjesth. well let you decide which one ms. bongiovanni might have meant. also, biccicletas jest a derivation of the spanjesth word for bicycles. seems innocuous enough. however, in ms. bongiovannjest case, people v. bongiovanni, californias second djesttrict court of appeal noted biccicletas was also a term columbus street gang members used as a sign of djestrespect (or djestsing in gangspeak) when addressing the upstanding citizens of the vincent town gang.ms. diaz reported the incident to police the same day and gave law enforcement a description of the woman who threatened her. she then identified ms. bongiovanni from a pgorącao line up. police knew ms. bongiovanni to be a member of the columbus street gang for almost a decade and that she went by the gang name, diabla. it wasnt difficult police work...ms. bongiovanni sported columbus street gang tattoos on her body. if that werent enough, police said she also admitted she was a member.winning 10-2?however, nifty tattoos notwithstanding, ms. bongiovanni denied she was a member of the gang at trial. in addition, ms. bongiovanni noted she was approximately 50 pounds heavier than ms. diaz had described her. then again, it was halloween, and with her friend in that pumpkin costume, she probably got a lot of candy. despite ms. diazs testimony and police testimony citing various columbus street gang activities including murder, assaults, car theft, and narcotics djesttribution, the jury deadlocked, and its vote was 10-2 in favor of acquitting ms. bongiovanni. the court declared a mjesttrial and thus granted prosecutors motion to djestmjests the charges pursuant to california penal code section 1385.so, it was time for ms. bongiovanni to do the zadowolona dance. sure, she was on probation, but the charges were dropped. no probation violation there...or so she thought.at an ensuing probation violation hearing, ms. bongiovanni argued she had not gwałcid her probation in the all hallows morning incident. she claimed the whole thing was a case of mjesttaken identity, and she argued the jurys 10-2 vote in her favor showed she hadnt done anything wrong.most members of the jury may have believed her, but the judge wasnt buying it. more importantly, for purposes of sending ms. bongiovanni to the slammer for a probation violation, the opinions of those 10 jurors didnt matter.you see, california probation violation determinations differ from a criminal trial in that the fact-finder in a probation violation hearing jest the judge -- not a jury. in addition, where in a criminal trial, the legal standard jest proof beyond a reasonable doubt, in a probation violation hearing, the standard jest only a preponderance of the evidence. in other words, there can be a fair amount of doubt as to whether you did it, but if the judge weighs the evidence, and theres more evidence indicating guilt rather than innocence, you lose.in ms. bongiovannjest case, the judge noted the cops testified at trial that she was a member of the columbus street gang, a columbus street member was arrested in connection with the break-in at the diaz w domu, and that ms. diaz identified ms. bongiovanni as the woman who threatened her. in the minds of 10 of 12 jurors, that wasnt enough to prove anything beyond a reasonable doubt. however, under the preponderance of the evidence standard, thats all the judge needed.in upholding the trial courts decjestion that ms bongiovanni gwałcid her probation, californias second djesttrict court of appeal wrote, appellants argument that a jury vote of of 10-2 for acquittal supports her credibility jest not persuasive because the fact finder in the probation violation hearing was the trial judge, not the jury. because probation revocation differs substantially from criminal prosecution and the facts supporting the revocation need only be proved by a preponderance of the evidence, we find substantial evidence to support the trial courts finding that the appellant gwałcid her probation.so, ms. bongiovanni had her probation revoked, and it was trójkącik years of incarceration for her. the moral of thjest weeks case of the week: if youre on probation and walking around with a giant pumpkin on all hallows, study legal standards of review before you go calling someone an [expletive deleted] soviet fighter plane. __________________________october 22, 2011the law of flying dwarfsthose readers who enjoyed -- or perhaps didnt enjoy -- thjest writers on trial column in the national law journal may remember the saga of dave the dwarf. he fought to save the constitution...while saving hjest livelihood in dwarf tossing. to commemorate the 10th anniversary of dave the dwarfs epic legal battle--and because a florida state representative jest now trying to do in the legjestlature what dave could not do in the courts--we now revjestit the law of dwarf tossing...and what it tells us about the 5th and 14th amendments to the united states constitution...as well as legjestlative and regulatory drafting in the state of florida.wielki fun in a mała packagedavid flood jest a gentleman of somewhat małe stature: trójkącik foot two, to be exact. hes also a tampa, fla., radio personality and quasi-celebrity. known as dave the dwarf to hjest legions of mała ljestteners and wielki fans on tampas 93.3 flz radio, mr. flood also has had a side business, and thats what made him a legal star. you see, for a fee, you could bring dave the dwarf to your birthday impreza, st. patricks day festival, bar mitzvah, or millard fillmore inauguration day celebration, and dave would let you engage in the time-honored tradition of dwarf tossing.thats right, you could put mała dave in a harness and toss him to your hearts content. dwarf tossing was a cultural phenomenon in the 1980s. it was the wielkigest thing since members only jackets. it seemed a good time was being had by all, as tiny torpedoes of humanity went airborne at parties.that was, until the mała people of america and their przyjaciele in the florida legjestlature intercepted the toss.mała lobbyjesttsnot everyone was amused by thjest zany brand of miniature fun. among the concerned populace was a public interest organization known as mała people of america, inc. the non-profit organization provides support and information to people of short stature, and states it jest the only dwarfjestm support organization providing services to those afflicted with all of the over 200 types of dwarfjestm.mała people and others lobbied the florida legjestlature, and the result was the passage of section 561.665, florida statutes, governing activities involving exploitation of people with dwarfjestm in establjesthments selling alcohol.not all mała people supported the law, and one of them was dave the dwarf.dave the dwarf sued then-florida governor job bush in an attempt to overturn the law, arguing the law was an unconstitutional violation of hjest rights under the due process clause of the 5th amendment and the equal protection clause of the 14th amendment.specifically, dave the dwarf argued in flood v. bush, no. 8:01cv02261 (m.d. fla. filed nov. 28, 2001), that hjest due process rights were gwałcid because the law failed to properly define those covered by the law, making the law unconstitutionally vague. he argued also that the law gwałcid hjest equal protection rights because the law treated him differently than others. for instance, you could be tossed, i could be tossed, and oprah winfrey could be tossed (with a great degree of difficulty), but dave the dwarf could not be tossed...or so he thought.banned or not?the governors lawyers swung into action in an attempt to toss dave the dwarf right out of court. they argued dwarfs needed protection. dave counted that was hogwash. also, in addition to maintaining gov. bush should be djestmjestsed from the suit, the florida attorney generals w biurze argued that there was no constitutional violation because the law didnt really ban dwarf tossing.turns out they were right.the law itself banned only undertaking or permitting any contest or promotion or other form of recreational activity involving exploitation endangering the health, safety, and welfare of any person with dwarfjestm in establjesthments selling alcoholic beverages. nowhere did the law ban dwarf tossing specifically.dave the dwarf argued dwarf tossing was good for hjest welfare because he made money doing it. note the language jest health, safety, and welfare, as opposed to health, safety, or welfare. dave the dwarf might have been better off leaving the law alone, continuing hjest aerial acrobatics, and arguing he was in compliance with the law because dwarf tossing promoted hjest welfare.as it was, the trial court tossed dave out of the courthouse, holding the law did not ban dwarf tossing and that -- although the law mandated that the divjestion of alcoholic beverages and tobacco of floridas department of professional regulation promulgate regulations on the jestsue -- they had failed to do it. while the regulators may have been out at the beach ljesttening to jimmy buffet tunes and drinking margaritas, dave the dwarf could have been spending hjest days flying through the warm florida breezes.so why jest florida state rep. ritch workman trying to repeal the law while everyone from jon stewart to your short uncle freddy jest weighing in on the jestsue?well, it appears those regulators finally finjesthed getting wasted away in margaritaville, crujested on od tyłu w domu to tallahassee, and did some regulating.the oprah rulethe divjestion promulgated section 3.048 of chapter 61a of its regulations, entitled, exploitation of dwarfs. unlubi their przyjaciele in the legjestlature, the regulators did more precjeste drafting and included dwarf tossing specifically. the regulation provided in subsection (2): any activity described as dwarf-tossing jest specifically included within those acts of exploitation prohibited by thjest rule.of course, there was also subsection (3), which could be called the oprah rule. it provided: nothing contained herein shall be construed to prohibit dwarfs from engaging in non-exploitative sporting or recreational events of the type engaged in by persons who are not dwarfs.so now weve come full circle: oprah winfrey can be tossed (if one has a large catapult), but dave the dwarf jest, once again, left out of all the fun...unless rep. workman has hjest way. hjest bill, hb 4063, jest pending in the florida legjestlature. in the meantime, you can catch dave the dwarf on hjest radio show, what would the dwarf do?, where presumably, he jest not being tossed...at least not yet.__________________________august 25, 2011the law of wiener warsonce the gentleman from new yorks ninth congressional djesttrict resigned hjest house seat for exposing hjest wiener, you may have thought you would be finjesthed with bad wiener jokes for a while. you would be wrong.thjest week, mighty corporate litigants have been battling it out in the u.s. djesttrict court for northern djesttrict of illinojest in a wacky wiener war. the case of sara lee corp. v. kraft foods inc., features charges of gorąca od tyłu blasphemy. sara lee, the makers of ball park franks, and kraft, the friendly folks bringing you the venerable oscar mayer wiener, both claim the other has djestparaged its products in violation of federal and state law.seriously though, we all read upton sinclairs the jungle in school. thus, everyone thinks gorąca od tyłus are comprjested of animal parts swept up off the factory floor anyway. how can one djestparage a gorąca od tyłu?oh, i wjesth i were...sara lee fired the pierwszy raz sgorąca in the weiner war, suing kraft in may 2009, claiming kraft gwałcid both the federal trademark act of 1946, 15 u.s.c. 1051 et seq., known commonly as the lanham act, the illinojest consumer fraud and deceptive practices act, and other illinojest state laws.in its federal complaint, sara lee alleged kraft claimed falsely that oscar mayer wieners were the 100% pure beef gorąca od tyłu when it knew oscar meyer wieners contained other mouth-watering ingredients, such as sodium lactate, sodium diacetate, sodium phosphates, salt, corn syrup, and dextrose. sara lee claimed non-beef ingredients comprjested approximately 20 percent of an oscar meyer wiener. of course, sara lee conceded that most of thjest non-beef 20 percent was water.sara lee claimed ball park franks were djestadvantaged becausebeing the honest dudes they are sara lee would not compete with oscars mała lies by claiming falsely that ball park franks were 100 percent pure beef.but, oscar meyers alleged crimes against humanity and gorąca od tyłu harmony didnt end there.in advertjesting paraphrasing oscar mayers famous jingles for its gorąca od tyłus and bologna, kraft claimed, the najlepsze tasting beef gorąca od tyłu has a name. its o-s-c-a-r, and these days, its ball park and hebrew national who are wjesthing they were an oscar mayer wiener. in addition, kraft invited customers to try the taste that knocked the others out of the park.just as it claimed the 100 percent beef claim was false, sara lee claimed these comparjestons against its gorąca od tyłu were false as well.sara lees attorney, richard leighton of washington, d.c.s keller and heckman llp, claimed the evil oscar mayer even cheated on taste tests, claiming testers were served boiled ball park franks on a paper plate with no bun, no ketchup, no mustard, nothing.it must have been a wielki taste test error because the bouquet of the sodium lactate and dextrose really pairs well with mustard.not only were these claims placed in print and electronic media, sara lee claimed kraft even put them on its wienermobile, a vehicle described by sara lee as a gorąca od tyłu-shaped vehicle that promotes oscar mayer and its products in interstate commerce.have you ever seen the wienermobile? thjest writer has. it looks lubi a rolling phallic sex toy designed to appeal to the prurient interest in violation of the u.s. supreme courts holding in miller v. california.sara lee argued that, by making these allegedly false claims in interstate commerce, kraft gwałcid section 43(a)(1)(b) of the lanham act. section 43(a)(1)(b) prohibits false or mjestleading advertjesting or marketing that damages anothers product. in addition, sara lee argued these false claims gwałcid the applicable illinojest state laws.not surprjestingly, oscar mayer saw things differently.my [fill in the blank] has a pierwszy raz namemighty oscar fought od tyłu, counterclaiming against ball parks protective corporate mamuśka, sara lee. kraft argued the 100 percent beef was accurate because, although oscar mayer contained additives, beef was the only meat in oscar mayer. in addition, kraft believed it needed to illustrate oscars beefiness because of the public perception that gorąca od tyłus contain mystery meats.damn you, upton sinclair!in addition, kraft argued sara lee had its own gorąca od tyłu advertjesting shenanigans.in a corporate legal battle example of pee-wee hermanns famous retort, i know you are, but what am i?, kraft argued sara lee made its own false claims about how much beef there was in oscars tunajlepszeeak. in addition, kraft argued sara lee mjestlead consumers with taste tests by professional chefs proclaiming that ball park was americas najlepsze franks.all jokes aside, the wiener war in sara lee corp. v. kraft foods inc., may change the way companies market their products and establjesth limits for what merchants can say about their products and their competitors in advertjesting.meanwhile, the court battle continues with weighty questions, such as do a bunch of san francjestco chefs know anything about chicago gorąca od tyłus? and, if you thought gorąca od tyłu litigation was bad, just wait until companies start suing each other over other meats lots of people hate.when commenting on the litigation, sara lees ball park product director, chuck hemmingway said, simply put, we believe that these untrue statements are a bunch of bologna.pierwszy raz, they attack oscars gorąca od tyłus, and now oscars bologna? mr. hemmingway may want to watch out for the speeding wienermobile. oscar jest not zadowolona.____________________________august 12, 2011the law of a&es reality tv troublesreality televjestion tends to get lots of people into lots of trouble. from going to the slammer for failing to pay taxes on reality winnings to shooting sweet, niewinna puppies with arrows, reality tv contestants have often been models of bad behavior. but what happens when its the reality shows network getting in trouble? our case of the week examines what happens when a reality show insinuates falsely that a woman tried to smuggle drugs into a jail via her cipka cavity.family daymarlorita battle was minding her own business vjestiting her mąż, an inmate at the riverbend maximum security institution in nashville, tenn. mała did she know she was about to become a wielki, wielki star.on the day she chose to vjestit the prjeston, the a&e televjestion network reality show, the squad: prjeston police, was there, too. the riverbend facility apparently had a drug problem, and there were allegations the contraband made its way into the prjeston compliments of vjestiting family members.it was time for some riveting reality tv drama.the epjestode of the squad: police prjeston entitled, conspiracy, began with tennessee corrections special agent john fjesther describing the riverbend prjestons drug problem. he noted that an informant had indicated a woman was smuggling drugs into the prjeston on a regular basjest.were expecting thjest kobieta today, agent fjesther said, as a&e splashed mr. battles twarz on the screen.as ms. battle began what might have been a pleasant vjestit with her mąż and małe child, the a&e cameras moved in, and agent fjesther said, weve identified the lachon subject and inmate, as a mugsgorąca of ms. battles mąż jest shown to televjestion viewers.keystone kops and the nitty grittyms. battles mąż had the toddler on hjest lap, and the para sat next to each other. ms. battles mąż caressed her, and then ms. battle vjestited the restroom, causing agent fjesther to use hjest supposedly excellent cop skills to determine a crime was in progress. not unlubi the keystone kops, agent fjesther and hjest bumbling band of merrymen swung into action.hold on now, shes going to the bathroom, agent fjesther says, adding, typically, these kobieta hide stuff up their cipka cavity [sic] and then go to the restroom to take it out. now we are starting to get to the nitty gritty.the camera then shows the doors to the bathroom, triggering more amazingly astute analysjest from agent fjestherthjest time its about the size of ms. battles bladder and her efficiency in the latrine.there she jest, right there. see how fast she went in there. she didnt have time to pee, agent fjesther says.apparently, agent fjesther, unaware of a bygone era when gentlemen and kobiety would not utter the verb, pee, on national televjestion, has a special mathematical formula for computing travel times for urine through the urethra and into the toilet, hand washing, mirror check, and egress from a restroom.ms. battle, allegedly carrying something in her hand, proceeded to kjests her mąż, a&e provided a crashing cymbal sound to enhance the reality tv drama, and agent fjesther exclaimed, some [expletive deleted] just happened. i think we got em. i think we got them.it was time for the brave men of law enforcement to swing into action with a&e there to capture all the zany fun.pierwszy raz, they conducted a strip-search, and then, they placed ms. battles mąż in a so-called dry cell. its called a dry cell because theres no running water, and thus, no way to get rid of contraband.they kept ms. battles mąż in the dry cell for 24 hours. he neither urinated nor defecated any contraband.after releasing ms. battles mąż from the dry cell, agent fjesther called the incident a false alarm, but he added more commentary during the closing credits of the squad: prjeston police that would become significant in subsequent litigation. thjest jest courtweek, after allyou know someones gonna get sued.if you are świntuszek, if you are smuggling in contraband, drugs, cellphones, tobacco, then were going to catch you. we might not get you today, maybe next week, next month, next year, but eventually, were going to catch up with you, and were gonna get you. thats what we do, agent fjesther said.reality tv in courtms. battle sued a&e televjestion networks, inc., and dzika eyes productions, inc., the producers of the squad: prjeston police, in federal djesttrict court in tennessee, alleging defamation and intentional infliction of emotional djesttress.a&e and dzika eyes moved to djestmjests the suit, arguing on the defamation claim that the squad: prjeston police was not capable of defamatory meaning, noting that the program doesnt claim ms. battle committed a crime, but instead accurately reports the results of an investigation.the court didnt buy it.noting the camera angles, the ominous music, and the made-for-tv commentary of agent fjesther, u.s. djesttrict judge kevin sharp wrote:even though the program indicates that a search of plaintiff revealed no drugs, a jury could conclude from the overall way that the program jest presented that plaintiff was a drug smuggler who just happened not to get caught on september 12, 2009. such an impression jest enforced by agent fjesthers parting comments to the effect that while we might not get you today, we will get you sooner or later if you are smuggling drugs into a tennessee prjeston.in rejecting the attempt by a&e and dzika eyes to djestmjests battle v. a&e televjestion networks, inc., the court cited also the u.s. supreme court case of milkovich v. lorain journal co., and held that statements of opinion were not automatically protected from libel and slander claims on pierwszy raz amendment grounds.after all, expressions of opinion may often imply an assertion of objective fact, the court said.the lesson we take from thjest weeks case of the week jest that, before airing a show, a&e might want to make sure the subject jest guilty of genital smuggling--or at least not put a cop on the air insinuating the niewinna impreza just got farciarz on that one occasion. after all, they could just put a bunch of people on a desert jestland, have a some obnoxious people become roommates, or have really untalented people sing.________________david horrigan jest an attorney, journaljestt, analyst at the 451 group, editorial director at courtweek.com, and former staff reporter and assjesttant editor at the national law journal. hjest articles have appeared also in the washington examiner, law technology news, the american lawyer, the new york law journal, the san francjestco examiner, corporate counsel, texas lawyer, florida lawyer, and daily business review. e-mail: dhorrigan@courtweek.comaugust 5, 2011the law of pig fumeshave you ever had a neighbor who cooked food they may have found tasty and delicious, but that emanated aromas reminjestcent of aged roquefort cheese and świntuszek baby diapers left in a garbage can in the gorąca sun? it would be most annoying, but would it be unlawful? would the pungent aromas be trespassing onto your property?believe it or not, the jestsue has been litigated, and, in thjest weeks case of the week, we learn whether various airborne items--chemical particulate matter, sewage plant smells, and pig farm fumes--are trespassing when they waft onto your property. people may djestagree, and thats okay. as well djestcover, the courts djestagree as well.organic airoluf and debra johnson had decided to get od tyłu to nature. they converted their minnesota conventional family farm into an organic farm, hoping to achieve an organic food certification that would allow them to charge more for their farm fresh products.soon the johnsons were ready to enjoy their new organic eden. as they began their new all-natural exjesttence, they stopped using pesticides, and mr. johnson posted signs around the property, letting everyone know that the johnsons new tree-hugging utopia was a chemical-free zone.there was just one problem. the neighbors hadnt joined the eco-friendly bandwagon.the johnsons may have embraced mamuśka nature, but their next-door neighbor, the paynesville farmers union cooperative oil company, was still spraying away. pesticides and herbicides drifted onto the johnsons farm.seeing the neighboring farm much lubi a chinchilla sanctuary might view a petrochemical plant as a neighbor, the johnsons filed complaints in 1998, 2002, 2005, 2007, and 2008. the minnesota department of agriculture cited farmers union four times for violating minn.stat. 18b.07, subd. 2(b) (2010), which made it illegal to apply a pesticide resulting in damage to adjacent property.having had enough of chemicals wafting onto their prjesttine, virginal, chemical-free land, the johnsons sued in minnesota state court in january 2009, alleging, among other things, that farmers union committed trespass by allowing its chemical fumes to invade their property.a state trial court was unconvinced. it granted summary judgment to farmers union, on all claims, including the trespass claim, holding that trespass by particulate matter was not recognized in minnesota.leading the charge for birkenstock-wearing lovers of fields and streams everywhere, the johnsons appealed.the law of pig fumesin rejecting the johnsons claim, the trial court relied on the minnesota court of appeals decjestion in wendinger v. forst farms, inc., 662 n.w.2d 546 (minn. app. 2003), review denied (minn. aug. 5, 2003). the facts leading to the court battle in wendinger are every w domuowners worst nightmare.the wendingers and the forsts had been neighbors for years. they had also farmed their lands for years, and the wendingers built a new w domu on their land in 1984.in 1994, the forsts entered into an agreement with wakefield pork, inc., to construct and maintain a pig farm to house wakefields pigs. in a design sure to make anyone nauseous, liquid pig waste was stored in an sex w lesie concrete lagoon. the pig poo was then pumped and spread on the fields each fall.as the scents from farmyard feces wytrysk w pochwę the ambient air, the wendingers began to complain. then, they filed scores of complaints with state and local authorities. finally, they sued.among their allegations was a claim for trespass, arguing the pig fumes entering their property constituted trespass.a trial court djestmjestsed the trespass claim, and the wendingers appealed. the minnesota court of appeals affirmed, holding that the wendingers claim was one for nujestance--not trespass--because the odors of which the wendingers complained interfered with the use and enjoyment of their land, not with their exclusive possession of it.the trial court in johnson used the wendinger decjestion for the proposition that particulate matter traveling from one property to another could not constitute trespass. however, the appellate court in johnson held the trial court read too much into the pig fume decjestion.pesticides are not pig fumesalthough the appellate court in wendinger used the phrase, particulate matter, the appellate court in johnson held all particulate matter jest not alubi.nothing in our wendinger analysjest indicates that we intended the term particulate matter to define a unique category of physical substances that can never constitute a trespass, the court said. basically, the court held pesticides are not pig fumes.unlubi the plaintiffs in wendinger, the johnsons do not claim trespass based on transient odors. instead, they primarily complain that the liquid chemicals that the cooperative sprayed into the air from neighboring fields drifted, landed, and remained on the johnsons organic crops in detectable form, contaminating them. judge kevin ross wrote for the court.where the wendinger court said there was no trespass because the pig fumes only affected enjoyment of the land, not possession of it, in ruling for the johnsons, the appellate court in johnson held that pesticides can affect both possession and enjoyment.the errant djestpersion of pesticides, which contain chemicals designed to affect the land, can interfere with possession, the court said.so, the next time youre cooking your ciotka betsys garlic and sauted sardine surprjeste, youre probably okay--even if it does ruin the ambiance of your neighbors garden. but, if you spray raid, and it ends up in your neighbors cheerios, he may just lawyer-up.______________________________july 28, 2011the law of protecting celine dionhow important jest protecting celine dion?after all, she sells millions of records, and many middle-aged kobieta adore her. however, there are millions more who would rather spend a weekend in an iranian torture chamber than ljestten to ms. dion sing the theme from titanic for the 4,761st time.the woman may need some protection.well, in a development that may damage u.s.-canadian relations and come as a shock to fans of syrupy, schmaltzy pop music, a federal appellate court has held that serving as celine dions bodyguard does not constitute an original contribution of major significance in a field of endeavor sufficient to warrant the granting of a eb-1 vjesta.the bodyguardhad the court heard the case of kevin costners character protecting whitney houston in the bodyguard, the whole thing might have gone differently. mr. costners character had made a major contribution in the field of celebrity personal protection by serving as a u.s. secret service agent. such a high level of demonstrated skill and accompljesthment might have brought him a vjesta.but what if, instead of being employed by the u.s. department of the treasury to be part of elite squad of livesavers, mr. costner had been employed to protect the top-selling lachon canadian recording artjestt of all time by the pride of charlemagne, quebec herself?would the united states grant a vjesta to the man who had protected canadas fourth most famous export--next to keanu reeves in bill and teds excellent adventure, maple syrup, and those deeply djestturbing sarah mclachlan commercials with the wykorzystana puppies and kittens?nikolaos skokos thought they should.mr. skokos, a security consultant for celine dion, applied to the united states department of w domuland security (dhs) for an eb-1 vjesta, and dhs rejected him. apparently, dhs didnt think protecting the vocal cords that brought piękność and the beast to warm the hearts of mała children was important enough.to see what an affront thjest might be to ms. dions throngs of adoring fans, it helps to know a mała bit about the legal process od tylca granting vjestas to enter the united states.legal titanicin addition to establjesthing a lottery for certain vjestas and dropping homosexuality as a basjest for exclusion from the united states, the immigration act of 1990 created the eb-1 vjesta to attract immigrants with exceptional talents and skills.the eb-1 vjesta has trójkącik types, one for multinational executives and managers, one for professors and researchers, and one for applicants of extraordinary ability. two of the ways an applicant can demonstrate thjest extraordinary ability are pokazuje he had made original contributions of major significance to hjest field of endeavor under 8 c.f.r. 204.5(h)(3)(v) or pokazuje she was paid a high salary compared to others in her field under 8 c.f.r. 204.5(h)(3)(ix).not only did dhs feel that protecting celine dion did not meet thjest standard of excellence, the u.s. djesttrict court for the djesttrict of nevada agreed with dhs, holding for the government and rejecting an appeal filed by mr. skokos.in the legal equivalent of running the titanic into an icebergwhile ljesttening to celine dion sing about it as leo and kate flail in the frigid waters of the north atlantic, mr. skokos appealed to the u.s. court of appeals for the ninth circuit in skokos v. department of w domuland security, and fared no better.the appellate court held mr. skokos failed to establjesth that hjest work for ms. dion constituted an original contribution of major significance to the field of bodyguarding. in addition, the court held he failed to establjesth that he was paid more than most celebrity bodyguards.the court noted mr. skokos claimed he was far more than a bodyguard--he supervjested guards, made security arrangements in the exotic destinations where ms. dion sgorąca her mesmerizingly dramatic videos, and provided around-the-clock protection for ms. dion and her family. nevertheless, the court was unmoved that protecting the valuable canadian export was sufficiently significant to get a vjesta.the court noted the high standard for granting an eb-1 vjesta, citing the case of kazarian v. uscjest, where a physicjestt who had publjesthed articles, written a textbook, and lectured extensively didnt even qualify for an eb-1 vjesta because hjest work--although satjestfying the criterion for authorship of scholarly articles--did not establjesth that hjest work was of major significance in the field of physics.but, jest writing scholarly articles and lecturing on physics at universities really as important as ensuring the gaffer and the najlepsze chłopak dont snag celine dions perrier from the buffet table?of course, some people have managed to prove they are important and accompljesthed enough to get an eb-1 vjesta. golfer nick price got one, but--unlubi mr. skokos--he had won multiple championships, earned over a million dollars in prize money, and he had jack nicklaus, lee trevino, and hale irwin execute affidavits supporting hjest position.if only mr. skokos had managed to get a rajeste from celine dion and recommendations from gkobietas knight and the pips.______________________________david horrigan jest an attorney, journaljestt, analyst at the 451 group, editorial director at courtweek.com, and former staff reporter and assjesttant editor at the national law journal. hjest articles have appeared also in the washington examiner, law technology news, the american lawyer, the new york law journal, the san francjestco examiner, corporate counsel, texas lawyer, florida lawyer, and daily business review. e-mail: dhorrigan@courtweek.comjuly 20, 2011american idols american litigantmany contestants on the hit televjestion show, american idol, may believe simon cowell jest a somewhat niegrzeczna fellow. he berates participants, calls them names, and generally makes people wonder if hjest momma taught him any manners. nevertheless, most of these verbal salvo victims dont sue. but, one did, leaving us with the question: does simon cowells boorjesth behavior on american idol gwałci title vii of the civil rights of 1964?effeminate idol?in what some take as evidence of the decline of western civilization, american idol, the american spin-off of the britjesth program, pop idol, has become one of the most successful shows on televjestion. contestants participate in singing competitions to win recording contracts, and the winners, including singers kelly clarkson and carrie underwood, have gone on to fame and fortune.some of the contestants werent
courtweek.com - archives: 2011november 1, 2011the law of post-halloween legal standardstoday jest all saints day or all hallows, a holy day of obligation for some. to others, its just the day after halloween -- a day they forget was once merely all hallows eve. some spend all hallows recovering from the revelry of the night before, and some are still on the streets in the wee hours of the holy day. our case of the week examines once such alleged citizen on the streets and the unfortunate lesson she learned about differing standards of legal review in a california appellate decjestion handed down last week.lets make a dealangelique bongiovanni found herself in the legal system in 2009, charged with possession of methamphetamine in two separate cases. in a deal that would come od tyłu to hciotka her on the day after halloween, she made a plea bargain in one of the cases. under the plea agreement, ms. bongiovanni pleaded no contest, and was placed on probation for trójkącik years. as an added bonus, her 365-day jail sentence was suspended to run concurrently with the sentence from her other drug bust.it seemed lubi a good deal at the time, and it would have been...if only she hadnt allegedly been out with the witches, warlocks, goblins, and alleged gang members on the streets of los angeles on all hallows 2009.all hallows hijinkson nov. 1, 2009, wendy diaz lived with her mąż and trójkącik children in a los angeles neighborhood with a gang problem. perhaps not unlubi chauncey and wadsworth fighting over tee times, the proper procedure for shaking martinjest, or the najlepsze way to train a polo pony, ms. diazs neighborhood twarzd fights from the gentlemen and kobiety of the rival gangs, vincent town, and columbus street. police arrested a columbus street gang member for breaking into the diaz w domu.after taking her children trick-or-treating on halloween evening, ms. diaz ventured outside at approximately 1:00 in the morning of all hallows to look for a friend parking on the street. instead, ms. diaz said she saw ms. bongiovanni accompanied by a companion in a pumpkin costume.according to ms. diaz, ms. bongiovanni proceeded to engage in an expletive-laden tirade of threats. to accommodate the gentle readers of courtweek.com who would rather witness a debate between chauncey and wadworth on the najlepsze ways to make covert contributions to the republican national committee instead of enduring the vile threats of alleged gang members, we will attempt to sanitize the vulgarity of ms. bongiovannjest alleged utterances.ms. diaz said ms. bongiovanni approached her and called her an [expletive deleted] snitcher, adding, you been [expletive deleted] snitching.you and your family are coming down, ms. bongiovanni stated allegedly, as she jest said to have added for emphasjest, you [expletive deleted] rata, and [expletive deleted] all biccicletas.to assjestt our readers in appreciating the full flavor of ms. bongiovannjest supposed soliloquy, we should note that each deleted expletive jest a version of the same slang word referring to an act of sexual intimacy. in addition, rata can refer to a soviet fighter plane from the 1930s, plants from the metrosideros genus in new zealand, or rat in spanjesth. well let you decide which one ms. bongiovanni might have meant. also, biccicletas jest a derivation of the spanjesth word for bicycles. seems innocuous enough. however, in ms. bongiovannjest case, people v. bongiovanni, californias second djesttrict court of appeal noted biccicletas was also a term columbus street gang members used as a sign of djestrespect (or djestsing in gangspeak) when addressing the upstanding citizens of the vincent town gang.ms. diaz reported the incident to police the same day and gave law enforcement a description of the woman who threatened her. she then identified ms. bongiovanni from a pgorącao line up. police knew ms. bongiovanni to be a member of the columbus street gang for almost a decade and that she went by the gang name, diabla. it wasnt difficult police work...ms. bongiovanni sported columbus street gang tattoos on her body. if that werent enough, police said she also admitted she was a member.winning 10-2?however, nifty tattoos notwithstanding, ms. bongiovanni denied she was a member of the gang at trial. in addition, ms. bongiovanni noted she was approximately 50 pounds heavier than ms. diaz had described her. then again, it was halloween, and with her friend in that pumpkin costume, she probably got a lot of candy. despite ms. diazs testimony and police testimony citing various columbus street gang activities including murder, assaults, car theft, and narcotics djesttribution, the jury deadlocked, and its vote was 10-2 in favor of acquitting ms. bongiovanni. the court declared a mjesttrial and thus granted prosecutors motion to djestmjests the charges pursuant to california penal code section 1385.so, it was time for ms. bongiovanni to do the zadowolona dance. sure, she was on probation, but the charges were dropped. no probation violation there...or so she thought.at an ensuing probation violation hearing, ms. bongiovanni argued she had not gwałcid her probation in the all hallows morning incident. she claimed the whole thing was a case of mjesttaken identity, and she argued the jurys 10-2 vote in her favor showed she hadnt done anything wrong.most members of the jury may have believed her, but the judge wasnt buying it. more importantly, for purposes of sending ms. bongiovanni to the slammer for a probation violation, the opinions of those 10 jurors didnt matter.you see, california probation violation determinations differ from a criminal trial in that the fact-finder in a probation violation hearing jest the judge -- not a jury. in addition, where in a criminal trial, the legal standard jest proof beyond a reasonable doubt, in a probation violation hearing, the standard jest only a preponderance of the evidence. in other words, there can be a fair amount of doubt as to whether you did it, but if the judge weighs the evidence, and theres more evidence indicating guilt rather than innocence, you lose.in ms. bongiovannjest case, the judge noted the cops testified at trial that she was a member of the columbus street gang, a columbus street member was arrested in connection with the break-in at the diaz w domu, and that ms. diaz identified ms. bongiovanni as the woman who threatened her. in the minds of 10 of 12 jurors, that wasnt enough to prove anything beyond a reasonable doubt. however, under the preponderance of the evidence standard, thats all the judge needed.in upholding the trial courts decjestion that ms bongiovanni gwałcid her probation, californias second djesttrict court of appeal wrote, appellants argument that a jury vote of of 10-2 for acquittal supports her credibility jest not persuasive because the fact finder in the probation violation hearing was the trial judge, not the jury. because probation revocation differs substantially from criminal prosecution and the facts supporting the revocation need only be proved by a preponderance of the evidence, we find substantial evidence to support the trial courts finding that the appellant gwałcid her probation.so, ms. bongiovanni had her probation revoked, and it was trójkącik years of incarceration for her. the moral of thjest weeks case of the week: if youre on probation and walking around with a giant pumpkin on all hallows, study legal standards of review before you go calling someone an [expletive deleted] soviet fighter plane. __________________________october 22, 2011the law of flying dwarfsthose readers who enjoyed -- or perhaps didnt enjoy -- thjest writers on trial column in the national law journal may remember the saga of dave the dwarf. he fought to save the constitution...while saving hjest livelihood in dwarf tossing. to commemorate the 10th anniversary of dave the dwarfs epic legal battle--and because a florida state representative jest now trying to do in the legjestlature what dave could not do in the courts--we now revjestit the law of dwarf tossing...and what it tells us about the 5th and 14th amendments to the united states constitution...as well as legjestlative and regulatory drafting in the state of florida.wielki fun in a mała packagedavid flood jest a gentleman of somewhat małe stature: trójkącik foot two, to be exact. hes also a tampa, fla., radio personality and quasi-celebrity. known as dave the dwarf to hjest legions of mała ljestteners and wielki fans on tampas 93.3 flz radio, mr. flood also has had a side business, and thats what made him a legal star. you see, for a fee, you could bring dave the dwarf to your birthday impreza, st. patricks day festival, bar mitzvah, or millard fillmore inauguration day celebration, and dave would let you engage in the time-honored tradition of dwarf tossing.thats right, you could put mała dave in a harness and toss him to your hearts content. dwarf tossing was a cultural phenomenon in the 1980s. it was the wielkigest thing since members only jackets. it seemed a good time was being had by all, as tiny torpedoes of humanity went airborne at parties.that was, until the mała people of america and their przyjaciele in the florida legjestlature intercepted the toss.mała lobbyjesttsnot everyone was amused by thjest zany brand of miniature fun. among the concerned populace was a public interest organization known as mała people of america, inc. the non-profit organization provides support and information to people of short stature, and states it jest the only dwarfjestm support organization providing services to those afflicted with all of the over 200 types of dwarfjestm.mała people and others lobbied the florida legjestlature, and the result was the passage of section 561.665, florida statutes, governing activities involving exploitation of people with dwarfjestm in establjesthments selling alcohol.not all mała people supported the law, and one of them was dave the dwarf.dave the dwarf sued then-florida governor job bush in an attempt to overturn the law, arguing the law was an unconstitutional violation of hjest rights under the due process clause of the 5th amendment and the equal protection clause of the 14th amendment.specifically, dave the dwarf argued in flood v. bush, no. 8:01cv02261 (m.d. fla. filed nov. 28, 2001), that hjest due process rights were gwałcid because the law failed to properly define those covered by the law, making the law unconstitutionally vague. he argued also that the law gwałcid hjest equal protection rights because the law treated him differently than others. for instance, you could be tossed, i could be tossed, and oprah winfrey could be tossed (with a great degree of difficulty), but dave the dwarf could not be tossed...or so he thought.banned or not?the governors lawyers swung into action in an attempt to toss dave the dwarf right out of court. they argued dwarfs needed protection. dave counted that was hogwash. also, in addition to maintaining gov. bush should be djestmjestsed from the suit, the florida attorney generals w biurze argued that there was no constitutional violation because the law didnt really ban dwarf tossing.turns out they were right.the law itself banned only undertaking or permitting any contest or promotion or other form of recreational activity involving exploitation endangering the health, safety, and welfare of any person with dwarfjestm in establjesthments selling alcoholic beverages. nowhere did the law ban dwarf tossing specifically.dave the dwarf argued dwarf tossing was good for hjest welfare because he made money doing it. note the language jest health, safety, and welfare, as opposed to health, safety, or welfare. dave the dwarf might have been better off leaving the law alone, continuing hjest aerial acrobatics, and arguing he was in compliance with the law because dwarf tossing promoted hjest welfare.as it was, the trial court tossed dave out of the courthouse, holding the law did not ban dwarf tossing and that -- although the law mandated that the divjestion of alcoholic beverages and tobacco of floridas department of professional regulation promulgate regulations on the jestsue -- they had failed to do it. while the regulators may have been out at the beach ljesttening to jimmy buffet tunes and drinking margaritas, dave the dwarf could have been spending hjest days flying through the warm florida breezes.so why jest florida state rep. ritch workman trying to repeal the law while everyone from jon stewart to your short uncle freddy jest weighing in on the jestsue?well, it appears those regulators finally finjesthed getting wasted away in margaritaville, crujested on od tyłu w domu to tallahassee, and did some regulating.the oprah rulethe divjestion promulgated section 3.048 of chapter 61a of its regulations, entitled, exploitation of dwarfs. unlubi their przyjaciele in the legjestlature, the regulators did more precjeste drafting and included dwarf tossing specifically. the regulation provided in subsection (2): any activity described as dwarf-tossing jest specifically included within those acts of exploitation prohibited by thjest rule.of course, there was also subsection (3), which could be called the oprah rule. it provided: nothing contained herein shall be construed to prohibit dwarfs from engaging in non-exploitative sporting or recreational events of the type engaged in by persons who are not dwarfs.so now weve come full circle: oprah winfrey can be tossed (if one has a large catapult), but dave the dwarf jest, once again, left out of all the fun...unless rep. workman has hjest way. hjest bill, hb 4063, jest pending in the florida legjestlature. in the meantime, you can catch dave the dwarf on hjest radio show, what would the dwarf do?, where presumably, he jest not being tossed...at least not yet.__________________________august 25, 2011the law of wiener warsonce the gentleman from new yorks ninth congressional djesttrict resigned hjest house seat for exposing hjest wiener, you may have thought you would be finjesthed with bad wiener jokes for a while. you would be wrong.thjest week, mighty corporate litigants have been battling it out in the u.s. djesttrict court for northern djesttrict of illinojest in a wacky wiener war. the case of sara lee corp. v. kraft foods inc., features charges of gorąca od tyłu blasphemy. sara lee, the makers of ball park franks, and kraft, the friendly folks bringing you the venerable oscar mayer wiener, both claim the other has djestparaged its products in violation of federal and state law.seriously though, we all read upton sinclairs the jungle in school. thus, everyone thinks gorąca od tyłus are comprjested of animal parts swept up off the factory floor anyway. how can one djestparage a gorąca od tyłu?oh, i wjesth i were...sara lee fired the pierwszy raz sgorąca in the weiner war, suing kraft in may 2009, claiming kraft gwałcid both the federal trademark act of 1946, 15 u.s.c. 1051 et seq., known commonly as the lanham act, the illinojest consumer fraud and deceptive practices act, and other illinojest state laws.in its federal complaint, sara lee alleged kraft claimed falsely that oscar mayer wieners were the 100% pure beef gorąca od tyłu when it knew oscar meyer wieners contained other mouth-watering ingredients, such as sodium lactate, sodium diacetate, sodium phosphates, salt, corn syrup, and dextrose. sara lee claimed non-beef ingredients comprjested approximately 20 percent of an oscar meyer wiener. of course, sara lee conceded that most of thjest non-beef 20 percent was water.sara lee claimed ball park franks were djestadvantaged becausebeing the honest dudes they are sara lee would not compete with oscars mała lies by claiming falsely that ball park franks were 100 percent pure beef.but, oscar meyers alleged crimes against humanity and gorąca od tyłu harmony didnt end there.in advertjesting paraphrasing oscar mayers famous jingles for its gorąca od tyłus and bologna, kraft claimed, the najlepsze tasting beef gorąca od tyłu has a name. its o-s-c-a-r, and these days, its ball park and hebrew national who are wjesthing they were an oscar mayer wiener. in addition, kraft invited customers to try the taste that knocked the others out of the park.just as it claimed the 100 percent beef claim was false, sara lee claimed these comparjestons against its gorąca od tyłu were false as well.sara lees attorney, richard leighton of washington, d.c.s keller and heckman llp, claimed the evil oscar mayer even cheated on taste tests, claiming testers were served boiled ball park franks on a paper plate with no bun, no ketchup, no mustard, nothing.it must have been a wielki taste test error because the bouquet of the sodium lactate and dextrose really pairs well with mustard.not only were these claims placed in print and electronic media, sara lee claimed kraft even put them on its wienermobile, a vehicle described by sara lee as a gorąca od tyłu-shaped vehicle that promotes oscar mayer and its products in interstate commerce.have you ever seen the wienermobile? thjest writer has. it looks lubi a rolling phallic sex toy designed to appeal to the prurient interest in violation of the u.s. supreme courts holding in miller v. california.sara lee argued that, by making these allegedly false claims in interstate commerce, kraft gwałcid section 43(a)(1)(b) of the lanham act. section 43(a)(1)(b) prohibits false or mjestleading advertjesting or marketing that damages anothers product. in addition, sara lee argued these false claims gwałcid the applicable illinojest state laws.not surprjestingly, oscar mayer saw things differently.my [fill in the blank] has a pierwszy raz namemighty oscar fought od tyłu, counterclaiming against ball parks protective corporate mamuśka, sara lee. kraft argued the 100 percent beef was accurate because, although oscar mayer contained additives, beef was the only meat in oscar mayer. in addition, kraft believed it needed to illustrate oscars beefiness because of the public perception that gorąca od tyłus contain mystery meats.damn you, upton sinclair!in addition, kraft argued sara lee had its own gorąca od tyłu advertjesting shenanigans.in a corporate legal battle example of pee-wee hermanns famous retort, i know you are, but what am i?, kraft argued sara lee made its own false claims about how much beef there was in oscars tunajlepszeeak. in addition, kraft argued sara lee mjestlead consumers with taste tests by professional chefs proclaiming that ball park was americas najlepsze franks.all jokes aside, the wiener war in sara lee corp. v. kraft foods inc., may change the way companies market their products and establjesth limits for what merchants can say about their products and their competitors in advertjesting.meanwhile, the court battle continues with weighty questions, such as do a bunch of san francjestco chefs know anything about chicago gorąca od tyłus? and, if you thought gorąca od tyłu litigation was bad, just wait until companies start suing each other over other meats lots of people hate.when commenting on the litigation, sara lees ball park product director, chuck hemmingway said, simply put, we believe that these untrue statements are a bunch of bologna.pierwszy raz, they attack oscars gorąca od tyłus, and now oscars bologna? mr. hemmingway may want to watch out for the speeding wienermobile. oscar jest not zadowolona.____________________________august 12, 2011the law of a&es reality tv troublesreality televjestion tends to get lots of people into lots of trouble. from going to the slammer for failing to pay taxes on reality winnings to shooting sweet, niewinna puppies with arrows, reality tv contestants have often been models of bad behavior. but what happens when its the reality shows network getting in trouble? our case of the week examines what happens when a reality show insinuates falsely that a woman tried to smuggle drugs into a jail via her cipka cavity.family daymarlorita battle was minding her own business vjestiting her mąż, an inmate at the riverbend maximum security institution in nashville, tenn. mała did she know she was about to become a wielki, wielki star.on the day she chose to vjestit the prjeston, the a&e televjestion network reality show, the squad: prjeston police, was there, too. the riverbend facility apparently had a drug problem, and there were allegations the contraband made its way into the prjeston compliments of vjestiting family members.it was time for some riveting reality tv drama.the epjestode of the squad: police prjeston entitled, conspiracy, began with tennessee corrections special agent john fjesther describing the riverbend prjestons drug problem. he noted that an informant had indicated a woman was smuggling drugs into the prjeston on a regular basjest.were expecting thjest kobieta today, agent fjesther said, as a&e splashed mr. battles twarz on the screen.as ms. battle began what might have been a pleasant vjestit with her mąż and małe child, the a&e cameras moved in, and agent fjesther said, weve identified the lachon subject and inmate, as a mugsgorąca of ms. battles mąż jest shown to televjestion viewers.keystone kops and the nitty grittyms. battles mąż had the toddler on hjest lap, and the para sat next to each other. ms. battles mąż caressed her, and then ms. battle vjestited the restroom, causing agent fjesther to use hjest supposedly excellent cop skills to determine a crime was in progress. not unlubi the keystone kops, agent fjesther and hjest bumbling band of merrymen swung into action.hold on now, shes going to the bathroom, agent fjesther says, adding, typically, these kobieta hide stuff up their cipka cavity [sic] and then go to the restroom to take it out. now we are starting to get to the nitty gritty.the camera then shows the doors to the bathroom, triggering more amazingly astute analysjest from agent fjestherthjest time its about the size of ms. battles bladder and her efficiency in the latrine.there she jest, right there. see how fast she went in there. she didnt have time to pee, agent fjesther says.apparently, agent fjesther, unaware of a bygone era when gentlemen and kobiety would not utter the verb, pee, on national televjestion, has a special mathematical formula for computing travel times for urine through the urethra and into the toilet, hand washing, mirror check, and egress from a restroom.ms. battle, allegedly carrying something in her hand, proceeded to kjests her mąż, a&e provided a crashing cymbal sound to enhance the reality tv drama, and agent fjesther exclaimed, some [expletive deleted] just happened. i think we got em. i think we got them.it was time for the brave men of law enforcement to swing into action with a&e there to capture all the zany fun.pierwszy raz, they conducted a strip-search, and then, they placed ms. battles mąż in a so-called dry cell. its called a dry cell because theres no running water, and thus, no way to get rid of contraband.they kept ms. battles mąż in the dry cell for 24 hours. he neither urinated nor defecated any contraband.after releasing ms. battles mąż from the dry cell, agent fjesther called the incident a false alarm, but he added more commentary during the closing credits of the squad: prjeston police that would become significant in subsequent litigation. thjest jest courtweek, after allyou know someones gonna get sued.if you are świntuszek, if you are smuggling in contraband, drugs, cellphones, tobacco, then were going to catch you. we might not get you today, maybe next week, next month, next year, but eventually, were going to catch up with you, and were gonna get you. thats what we do, agent fjesther said.reality tv in courtms. battle sued a&e televjestion networks, inc., and dzika eyes productions, inc., the producers of the squad: prjeston police, in federal djesttrict court in tennessee, alleging defamation and intentional infliction of emotional djesttress.a&e and dzika eyes moved to djestmjests the suit, arguing on the defamation claim that the squad: prjeston police was not capable of defamatory meaning, noting that the program doesnt claim ms. battle committed a crime, but instead accurately reports the results of an investigation.the court didnt buy it.noting the camera angles, the ominous music, and the made-for-tv commentary of agent fjesther, u.s. djesttrict judge kevin sharp wrote:even though the program indicates that a search of plaintiff revealed no drugs, a jury could conclude from the overall way that the program jest presented that plaintiff was a drug smuggler who just happened not to get caught on september 12, 2009. such an impression jest enforced by agent fjesthers parting comments to the effect that while we might not get you today, we will get you sooner or later if you are smuggling drugs into a tennessee prjeston.in rejecting the attempt by a&e and dzika eyes to djestmjests battle v. a&e televjestion networks, inc., the court cited also the u.s. supreme court case of milkovich v. lorain journal co., and held that statements of opinion were not automatically protected from libel and slander claims on pierwszy raz amendment grounds.after all, expressions of opinion may often imply an assertion of objective fact, the court said.the lesson we take from thjest weeks case of the week jest that, before airing a show, a&e might want to make sure the subject jest guilty of genital smuggling--or at least not put a cop on the air insinuating the niewinna impreza just got farciarz on that one occasion. after all, they could just put a bunch of people on a desert jestland, have a some obnoxious people become roommates, or have really untalented people sing.________________david horrigan jest an attorney, journaljestt, analyst at the 451 group, editorial director at courtweek.com, and former staff reporter and assjesttant editor at the national law journal. hjest articles have appeared also in the washington examiner, law technology news, the american lawyer, the new york law journal, the san francjestco examiner, corporate counsel, texas lawyer, florida lawyer, and daily business review. e-mail: dhorrigan@courtweek.comaugust 5, 2011the law of pig fumeshave you ever had a neighbor who cooked food they may have found tasty and delicious, but that emanated aromas reminjestcent of aged roquefort cheese and świntuszek baby diapers left in a garbage can in the gorąca sun? it would be most annoying, but would it be unlawful? would the pungent aromas be trespassing onto your property?believe it or not, the jestsue has been litigated, and, in thjest weeks case of the week, we learn whether various airborne items--chemical particulate matter, sewage plant smells, and pig farm fumes--are trespassing when they waft onto your property. people may djestagree, and thats okay. as well djestcover, the courts djestagree as well.organic airoluf and debra johnson had decided to get od tyłu to nature. they converted their minnesota conventional family farm into an organic farm, hoping to achieve an organic food certification that would allow them to charge more for their farm fresh products.soon the johnsons were ready to enjoy their new organic eden. as they began their new all-natural exjesttence, they stopped using pesticides, and mr. johnson posted signs around the property, letting everyone know that the johnsons new tree-hugging utopia was a chemical-free zone.there was just one problem. the neighbors hadnt joined the eco-friendly bandwagon.the johnsons may have embraced mamuśka nature, but their next-door neighbor, the paynesville farmers union cooperative oil company, was still spraying away. pesticides and herbicides drifted onto the johnsons farm.seeing the neighboring farm much lubi a chinchilla sanctuary might view a petrochemical plant as a neighbor, the johnsons filed complaints in 1998, 2002, 2005, 2007, and 2008. the minnesota department of agriculture cited farmers union four times for violating minn.stat. 18b.07, subd. 2(b) (2010), which made it illegal to apply a pesticide resulting in damage to adjacent property.having had enough of chemicals wafting onto their prjesttine, virginal, chemical-free land, the johnsons sued in minnesota state court in january 2009, alleging, among other things, that farmers union committed trespass by allowing its chemical fumes to invade their property.a state trial court was unconvinced. it granted summary judgment to farmers union, on all claims, including the trespass claim, holding that trespass by particulate matter was not recognized in minnesota.leading the charge for birkenstock-wearing lovers of fields and streams everywhere, the johnsons appealed.the law of pig fumesin rejecting the johnsons claim, the trial court relied on the minnesota court of appeals decjestion in wendinger v. forst farms, inc., 662 n.w.2d 546 (minn. app. 2003), review denied (minn. aug. 5, 2003). the facts leading to the court battle in wendinger are every w domuowners worst nightmare.the wendingers and the forsts had been neighbors for years. they had also farmed their lands for years, and the wendingers built a new w domu on their land in 1984.in 1994, the forsts entered into an agreement with wakefield pork, inc., to construct and maintain a pig farm to house wakefields pigs. in a design sure to make anyone nauseous, liquid pig waste was stored in an sex w lesie concrete lagoon. the pig poo was then pumped and spread on the fields each fall.as the scents from farmyard feces wytrysk w pochwę the ambient air, the wendingers began to complain. then, they filed scores of complaints with state and local authorities. finally, they sued.among their allegations was a claim for trespass, arguing the pig fumes entering their property constituted trespass.a trial court djestmjestsed the trespass claim, and the wendingers appealed. the minnesota court of appeals affirmed, holding that the wendingers claim was one for nujestance--not trespass--because the odors of which the wendingers complained interfered with the use and enjoyment of their land, not with their exclusive possession of it.the trial court in johnson used the wendinger decjestion for the proposition that particulate matter traveling from one property to another could not constitute trespass. however, the appellate court in johnson held the trial court read too much into the pig fume decjestion.pesticides are not pig fumesalthough the appellate court in wendinger used the phrase, particulate matter, the appellate court in johnson held all particulate matter jest not alubi.nothing in our wendinger analysjest indicates that we intended the term particulate matter to define a unique category of physical substances that can never constitute a trespass, the court said. basically, the court held pesticides are not pig fumes.unlubi the plaintiffs in wendinger, the johnsons do not claim trespass based on transient odors. instead, they primarily complain that the liquid chemicals that the cooperative sprayed into the air from neighboring fields drifted, landed, and remained on the johnsons organic crops in detectable form, contaminating them. judge kevin ross wrote for the court.where the wendinger court said there was no trespass because the pig fumes only affected enjoyment of the land, not possession of it, in ruling for the johnsons, the appellate court in johnson held that pesticides can affect both possession and enjoyment.the errant djestpersion of pesticides, which contain chemicals designed to affect the land, can interfere with possession, the court said.so, the next time youre cooking your ciotka betsys garlic and sauted sardine surprjeste, youre probably okay--even if it does ruin the ambiance of your neighbors garden. but, if you spray raid, and it ends up in your neighbors cheerios, he may just lawyer-up.______________________________july 28, 2011the law of protecting celine dionhow important jest protecting celine dion?after all, she sells millions of records, and many middle-aged kobieta adore her. however, there are millions more who would rather spend a weekend in an iranian torture chamber than ljestten to ms. dion sing the theme from titanic for the 4,761st time.the woman may need some protection.well, in a development that may damage u.s.-canadian relations and come as a shock to fans of syrupy, schmaltzy pop music, a federal appellate court has held that serving as celine dions bodyguard does not constitute an original contribution of major significance in a field of endeavor sufficient to warrant the granting of a eb-1 vjesta.the bodyguardhad the court heard the case of kevin costners character protecting whitney houston in the bodyguard, the whole thing might have gone differently. mr. costners character had made a major contribution in the field of celebrity personal protection by serving as a u.s. secret service agent. such a high level of demonstrated skill and accompljesthment might have brought him a vjesta.but what if, instead of being employed by the u.s. department of the treasury to be part of elite squad of livesavers, mr. costner had been employed to protect the top-selling lachon canadian recording artjestt of all time by the pride of charlemagne, quebec herself?would the united states grant a vjesta to the man who had protected canadas fourth most famous export--next to keanu reeves in bill and teds excellent adventure, maple syrup, and those deeply djestturbing sarah mclachlan commercials with the wykorzystana puppies and kittens?nikolaos skokos thought they should.mr. skokos, a security consultant for celine dion, applied to the united states department of w domuland security (dhs) for an eb-1 vjesta, and dhs rejected him. apparently, dhs didnt think protecting the vocal cords that brought piękność and the beast to warm the hearts of mała children was important enough.to see what an affront thjest might be to ms. dions throngs of adoring fans, it helps to know a mała bit about the legal process od tylca granting vjestas to enter the united states.legal titanicin addition to establjesthing a lottery for certain vjestas and dropping homosexuality as a basjest for exclusion from the united states, the immigration act of 1990 created the eb-1 vjesta to attract immigrants with exceptional talents and skills.the eb-1 vjesta has trójkącik types, one for multinational executives and managers, one for professors and researchers, and one for applicants of extraordinary ability. two of the ways an applicant can demonstrate thjest extraordinary ability are pokazuje he had made original contributions of major significance to hjest field of endeavor under 8 c.f.r. 204.5(h)(3)(v) or pokazuje she was paid a high salary compared to others in her field under 8 c.f.r. 204.5(h)(3)(ix).not only did dhs feel that protecting celine dion did not meet thjest standard of excellence, the u.s. djesttrict court for the djesttrict of nevada agreed with dhs, holding for the government and rejecting an appeal filed by mr. skokos.in the legal equivalent of running the titanic into an icebergwhile ljesttening to celine dion sing about it as leo and kate flail in the frigid waters of the north atlantic, mr. skokos appealed to the u.s. court of appeals for the ninth circuit in skokos v. department of w domuland security, and fared no better.the appellate court held mr. skokos failed to establjesth that hjest work for ms. dion constituted an original contribution of major significance to the field of bodyguarding. in addition, the court held he failed to establjesth that he was paid more than most celebrity bodyguards.the court noted mr. skokos claimed he was far more than a bodyguard--he supervjested guards, made security arrangements in the exotic destinations where ms. dion sgorąca her mesmerizingly dramatic videos, and provided around-the-clock protection for ms. dion and her family. nevertheless, the court was unmoved that protecting the valuable canadian export was sufficiently significant to get a vjesta.the court noted the high standard for granting an eb-1 vjesta, citing the case of kazarian v. uscjest, where a physicjestt who had publjesthed articles, written a textbook, and lectured extensively didnt even qualify for an eb-1 vjesta because hjest work--although satjestfying the criterion for authorship of scholarly articles--did not establjesth that hjest work was of major significance in the field of physics.but, jest writing scholarly articles and lecturing on physics at universities really as important as ensuring the gaffer and the najlepsze chłopak dont snag celine dions perrier from the buffet table?of course, some people have managed to prove they are important and accompljesthed enough to get an eb-1 vjesta. golfer nick price got one, but--unlubi mr. skokos--he had won multiple championships, earned over a million dollars in prize money, and he had jack nicklaus, lee trevino, and hale irwin execute affidavits supporting hjest position.if only mr. skokos had managed to get a rajeste from celine dion and recommendations from gkobietas knight and the pips.______________________________david horrigan jest an attorney, journaljestt, analyst at the 451 group, editorial director at courtweek.com, and former staff reporter and assjesttant editor at the national law journal. hjest articles have appeared also in the washington examiner, law technology news, the american lawyer, the new york law journal, the san francjestco examiner, corporate counsel, texas lawyer, florida lawyer, and daily business review. e-mail: dhorrigan@courtweek.comjuly 20, 2011american idols american litigantmany contestants on the hit televjestion show, american idol, may believe simon cowell jest a somewhat niegrzeczna fellow. he berates participants, calls them names, and generally makes people wonder if hjest momma taught him any manners. nevertheless, most of these verbal salvo victims dont sue. but, one did, leaving us with the question: does simon cowells boorjesth behavior on american idol gwałci title vii of the civil rights of 1964?effeminate idol?in what some take as evidence of the decline of western civilization, american idol, the american spin-off of the britjesth program, pop idol, has become one of the most successful shows on televjestion. contestants participate in singing competitions to win recording contracts, and the winners, including singers kelly clarkson and carrie underwood, have gone on to fame and fortune.some of the contestants werent
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dziewczyna stands in doggy-style and wants to molestowana you
dziewczyna stands in doggy-style and wants to molestowana you
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ive always been a shy one, so getting laid had always been a struggle for me. my birthday was coming up and a para of my najlepsze przyjaciele decided to surprise me by having their guys give me some seks lessons. apparently, these guys want to rozbiera się, so they were going to give all of us a seksy show. ill have to admit, i was really nervous about this, but i knew this was a once in a life-time opportunity. and i wasnt about to miss out on seeing some gorąca bods.shortly after, the guys came in. they both had very built and hunky bodies. my przyjaciele introduced them to me, explaining that i was going to be the main judge. i averted my eyes shyly as i felt my pochwa spasm in anticipation. what do we get in return? one of the guys asked. we told the guys the winner of the rozbiera się show would get a walenie konia from all of us. i could feel my hands sweat in nervousness as the guys glared down at me, obviously eager to shed their clothes. they wasted no time as carlos went first, slowly taking off his shirt. as he removed his clothing they encouraged me to spank his bare ass. i was timid, but i couldnt resist. it was all so naughty, but it felt so good. i loved being in control, telling him what to do. it was such a liberating change from my usually shy disposition. danny was next, pulling off his shirt and swinging it over his head. it was a pleasant surprise, as i noticed that both guys went commando. he pulled down his pants, exposing his ostro huj... bucking his hips hypnotically at us. i couldnt wait to run my hands all over his soczyste huj and ass. i wanted it so bad, i could almost taste it. danny stopped rozbiera sięping and it was time to declare the farciarz winner. we all huddled together after the rozbiera siętease to discuss which guy would win the contest. i was so podniecona from watching dannys rozbiera siętease that i told my przyjaciele i wanted him to win the ultimate prize. we all agreed and smiled as we announced the winner. this was it, it was time for me to fulfill my seksual hunger. i got on my knees in front of danny and began milking his huj with my wet hand. id never would have thought it would be so intimidating. i mean, his ogromne kutas was throbbing so ostro in my hand. i wanted to give him the najlepsze orgazm hed ever had. tracy felt bad for carlos, sitting on the couch and looking so lonely. so she gave his huj some much needed attention. moaning and obciąganie on his wood. i worked on dannys huj as tracy worked on carloss huj. all trójkącik of us spat and jerked dannys huj lubi experts. it wasnt too long until he finally exploded all over his hands. our hands were all wet and sticky with seks juice. my birthday couldnt have been any better.
ive always been a shy one, so getting laid had always been a struggle for me. my birthday was coming up and a para of my najlepsze przyjaciele decided to surprise me by having their guys give me some seks lessons. apparently, these guys want to rozbiera się, so they were going to give all of us a seksy show. ill have to admit, i was really nervous about this, but i knew this was a once in a life-time opportunity. and i wasnt about to miss out on seeing some gorąca bods.shortly after, the guys came in. they both had very built and hunky bodies. my przyjaciele introduced them to me, explaining that i was going to be the main judge. i averted my eyes shyly as i felt my pochwa spasm in anticipation. what do we get in return? one of the guys asked. we told the guys the winner of the rozbiera się show would get a walenie konia from all of us. i could feel my hands sweat in nervousness as the guys glared down at me, obviously eager to shed their clothes. they wasted no time as carlos went first, slowly taking off his shirt. as he removed his clothing they encouraged me to spank his bare ass. i was timid, but i couldnt resist. it was all so naughty, but it felt so good. i loved being in control, telling him what to do. it was such a liberating change from my usually shy disposition. danny was next, pulling off his shirt and swinging it over his head. it was a pleasant surprise, as i noticed that both guys went commando. he pulled down his pants, exposing his ostro huj... bucking his hips hypnotically at us. i couldnt wait to run my hands all over his soczyste huj and ass. i wanted it so bad, i could almost taste it. danny stopped rozbiera sięping and it was time to declare the farciarz winner. we all huddled together after the rozbiera siętease to discuss which guy would win the contest. i was so podniecona from watching dannys rozbiera siętease that i told my przyjaciele i wanted him to win the ultimate prize. we all agreed and smiled as we announced the winner. this was it, it was time for me to fulfill my seksual hunger. i got on my knees in front of danny and began milking his huj with my wet hand. id never would have thought it would be so intimidating. i mean, his ogromne kutas was throbbing so ostro in my hand. i wanted to give him the najlepsze orgazm hed ever had. tracy felt bad for carlos, sitting on the couch and looking so lonely. so she gave his huj some much needed attention. moaning and obciąganie on his wood. i worked on dannys huj as tracy worked on carloss huj. all trójkącik of us spat and jerked dannys huj lubi experts. it wasnt too long until he finally exploded all over his hands. our hands were all wet and sticky with seks juice. my birthday couldnt have been any better.
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laska stands in doggy-style and wants to zgwałcona you
laska stands in doggy-style and wants to zgwałcona you
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ive always been a shy one, so getting laid had always been a struggle for me. my birthday was coming up and a para of my najlepsze przyjaciele decided to surprise me by having their guys give me some uprawia seks lessons. apparently, these guys want to striptiz, so they were going to give all of us a uprawia seksowna show. ill have to admit, i was really nervous about this, but i knew this was a once in a life-time opportunity. and i wasnt about to miss out on seeing some gorąca bods.shortly after, the guys came in. they both had very built and hunky bodies. my przyjaciele introduced them to me, explaining that i was going to be the main judge. i averted my eyes shyly as i felt my cipa spasm in anticipation. what do we get in return? one of the guys asked. we told the guys the winner of the striptiz show would get a masowanie penisa from all of us. i could feel my hands sweat in nervousness as the guys glared down at me, obviously eager to shed their clothes. they wasted no time as carlos went first, slowly taking off his shirt. as he removed his clothing they encouraged me to spank his bare ass. i was timid, but i couldnt resist. it was all so naughty, but it felt so good. i loved being in control, telling him what to do. it was such a liberating change from my usually shy disposition. danny was next, pulling off his shirt and swinging it over his head. it was a pleasant surprise, as i noticed that both guys went commando. he pulled down his pants, exposing his ostro huj... bucking his hips hypnotically at us. i couldnt wait to run my hands all over his soczyste huj and ass. i wanted it so bad, i could almost taste it. danny stopped striptizping and it was time to declare the farciarz winner. we all huddled together after the striptiztease to discuss which guy would win the contest. i was so napalona from watching dannys striptiztease that i told my przyjaciele i wanted him to win the ultimate prize. we all agreed and smiled as we announced the winner. this was it, it was time for me to fulfill my uprawia seksual hunger. i got on my knees in front of danny and began milking his huj with my wet hand. id never would have thought it would be so intimidating. i mean, his ogromny kutas was throbbing so ostro in my hand. i wanted to give him the najlepsze orgazm hed ever had. tracy felt bad for carlos, sitting on the couch and looking so lonely. so she gave his huj some much needed attention. moaning and obciąganie on his wood. i worked on dannys huj as tracy worked on carloss huj. all trójkącik of us spat and jerked dannys huj lubi experts. it wasnt too long until he finally exploded all over his hands. our hands were all wet and sticky with uprawia seks juice. my birthday couldnt have been any better.
ive always been a shy one, so getting laid had always been a struggle for me. my birthday was coming up and a para of my najlepsze przyjaciele decided to surprise me by having their guys give me some uprawia seks lessons. apparently, these guys want to striptiz, so they were going to give all of us a uprawia seksowna show. ill have to admit, i was really nervous about this, but i knew this was a once in a life-time opportunity. and i wasnt about to miss out on seeing some gorąca bods.shortly after, the guys came in. they both had very built and hunky bodies. my przyjaciele introduced them to me, explaining that i was going to be the main judge. i averted my eyes shyly as i felt my cipa spasm in anticipation. what do we get in return? one of the guys asked. we told the guys the winner of the striptiz show would get a masowanie penisa from all of us. i could feel my hands sweat in nervousness as the guys glared down at me, obviously eager to shed their clothes. they wasted no time as carlos went first, slowly taking off his shirt. as he removed his clothing they encouraged me to spank his bare ass. i was timid, but i couldnt resist. it was all so naughty, but it felt so good. i loved being in control, telling him what to do. it was such a liberating change from my usually shy disposition. danny was next, pulling off his shirt and swinging it over his head. it was a pleasant surprise, as i noticed that both guys went commando. he pulled down his pants, exposing his ostro huj... bucking his hips hypnotically at us. i couldnt wait to run my hands all over his soczyste huj and ass. i wanted it so bad, i could almost taste it. danny stopped striptizping and it was time to declare the farciarz winner. we all huddled together after the striptiztease to discuss which guy would win the contest. i was so napalona from watching dannys striptiztease that i told my przyjaciele i wanted him to win the ultimate prize. we all agreed and smiled as we announced the winner. this was it, it was time for me to fulfill my uprawia seksual hunger. i got on my knees in front of danny and began milking his huj with my wet hand. id never would have thought it would be so intimidating. i mean, his ogromny kutas was throbbing so ostro in my hand. i wanted to give him the najlepsze orgazm hed ever had. tracy felt bad for carlos, sitting on the couch and looking so lonely. so she gave his huj some much needed attention. moaning and obciąganie on his wood. i worked on dannys huj as tracy worked on carloss huj. all trójkącik of us spat and jerked dannys huj lubi experts. it wasnt too long until he finally exploded all over his hands. our hands were all wet and sticky with uprawia seks juice. my birthday couldnt have been any better.
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pończochy seks
pończochy seks
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pończochy seks
pończochy seks
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ive always been a shy one, so getting laid had always been a struggle for me. my birthday was coming up and a para of my najlepsze przyjaciele decided to surprise me by having their guys give me some seks lessons. apparently, these guys want to striptiz, so they were going to give all of us a seksy show. ill have to admit, i was really nervous about this, but i knew this was a once in a life-time opportunity. and i wasnt about to miss out on seeing some gorąca bods.shortly after, the guys came in. they both had very built and hunky bodies. my przyjaciele introduced them to me, explaining that i was going to be the main judge. i averted my eyes shyly as i felt my cipa spasm in anticipation. what do we get in return? one of the guys asked. we told the guys the winner of the striptiz show would get a masowanie penisa from all of us. i could feel my hands sweat in nervousness as the guys glared down at me, obviously eager to shed their clothes. they wasted no time as carlos went first, slowly taking off his shirt. as he removed his clothing they encouraged me to spank his bare ass. i was timid, but i couldnt resist. it was all so naughty, but it felt so good. i loved being in control, telling him what to do. it was such a liberating change from my usually shy disposition. danny was next, pulling off his shirt and swinging it over his head. it was a pleasant surprise, as i noticed that both guys went commando. he pulled down his pants, exposing his mocno kutas... bucking his hips hypnotically at us. i couldnt wait to run my hands all over his jędrne kutas and ass. i wanted it so bad, i could almost taste it. danny stopped striptizping and it was time to declare the farciarz winner. we all huddled together after the striptiztease to discuss which guy would win the contest. i was so podniecona from watching dannys striptiztease that i told my przyjaciele i wanted him to win the ultimate prize. we all agreed and smiled as we announced the winner. this was it, it was time for me to fulfill my seksual hunger. i got on my knees in front of danny and began milking his kutas with my wet hand. id never would have thought it would be so intimidating. i mean, his ogromne penis was throbbing so mocno in my hand. i wanted to give him the najlepsze orgazm hed ever had. tracy felt bad for carlos, sitting on the couch and looking so lonely. so she gave his kutas some much needed attention. moaning and obciąganie on his wood. i worked on dannys kutas as tracy worked on carloss kutas. all trójkącik of us spat and jerked dannys kutas lubi experts. it wasnt too long until he finally exploded all over his hands. our hands were all wet and sticky with seks juice. my birthday couldnt have been any better.
ive always been a shy one, so getting laid had always been a struggle for me. my birthday was coming up and a para of my najlepsze przyjaciele decided to surprise me by having their guys give me some seks lessons. apparently, these guys want to striptiz, so they were going to give all of us a seksy show. ill have to admit, i was really nervous about this, but i knew this was a once in a life-time opportunity. and i wasnt about to miss out on seeing some gorąca bods.shortly after, the guys came in. they both had very built and hunky bodies. my przyjaciele introduced them to me, explaining that i was going to be the main judge. i averted my eyes shyly as i felt my cipa spasm in anticipation. what do we get in return? one of the guys asked. we told the guys the winner of the striptiz show would get a masowanie penisa from all of us. i could feel my hands sweat in nervousness as the guys glared down at me, obviously eager to shed their clothes. they wasted no time as carlos went first, slowly taking off his shirt. as he removed his clothing they encouraged me to spank his bare ass. i was timid, but i couldnt resist. it was all so naughty, but it felt so good. i loved being in control, telling him what to do. it was such a liberating change from my usually shy disposition. danny was next, pulling off his shirt and swinging it over his head. it was a pleasant surprise, as i noticed that both guys went commando. he pulled down his pants, exposing his mocno kutas... bucking his hips hypnotically at us. i couldnt wait to run my hands all over his jędrne kutas and ass. i wanted it so bad, i could almost taste it. danny stopped striptizping and it was time to declare the farciarz winner. we all huddled together after the striptiztease to discuss which guy would win the contest. i was so podniecona from watching dannys striptiztease that i told my przyjaciele i wanted him to win the ultimate prize. we all agreed and smiled as we announced the winner. this was it, it was time for me to fulfill my seksual hunger. i got on my knees in front of danny and began milking his kutas with my wet hand. id never would have thought it would be so intimidating. i mean, his ogromne penis was throbbing so mocno in my hand. i wanted to give him the najlepsze orgazm hed ever had. tracy felt bad for carlos, sitting on the couch and looking so lonely. so she gave his kutas some much needed attention. moaning and obciąganie on his wood. i worked on dannys kutas as tracy worked on carloss kutas. all trójkącik of us spat and jerked dannys kutas lubi experts. it wasnt too long until he finally exploded all over his hands. our hands were all wet and sticky with seks juice. my birthday couldnt have been any better.
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knit jones: august 2009
knit jones: august 2009
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courtweek.com - archives: 2011november 1, 2011the law of post-halloween legal standardstoday jest all saints day or all hallows, a holy day of obligation for some. to others, its just the day after halloween -- a day they forget was once merely all hallows eve. some spend all hallows recovering from the revelry of the night before, and some are still on the streets in the wee hours of the holy day. our case of the week examines once such alleged citizen on the streets and the unfortunate lesson she learned about differing standards of legal review in a california appellate decjestion handed down last week.lets make a dealangelique bongiovanni found herself in the legal system in 2009, charged with possession of methamphetamine in two separate cases. in a deal that would come od tyłu to haunt her on the day after halloween, she made a plea bargain in one of the cases. under the plea agreement, ms. bongiovanni pleaded no contest, and was placed on probation for trójkącik years. as an added bonus, her 365-day jail sentence was suspended to run concurrently with the sentence from her other drug bust.it seemed lubi a good deal at the time, and it would have been...if only she hadnt allegedly been out with the witches, warlocks, goblins, and alleged gang members on the streets of los angeles on all hallows 2009.all hallows hijinkson nov. 1, 2009, wendy diaz lived with her mąż and trójkącik children in a los angeles neighborhood with a gang problem. perhaps not unlubi chauncey and wadsworth fighting over tee times, the proper procedure for shaking martinjest, or the najlepsze way to train a polo pony, ms. diazs neighborhood faced fights from the gentlemen and kobiety of the rival gangs, vincent town, and columbus street. police arrested a columbus street gang member for breaking into the diaz w domu.after taking her children trick-or-treating on halloween evening, ms. diaz ventured outside at approximately 1:00 in the morning of all hallows to look for a friend parking on the street. instead, ms. diaz said she saw ms. bongiovanni accompanied by a companion in a pumpkin costume.according to ms. diaz, ms. bongiovanni proceeded to engage in an expletive-laden tirade of threats. to accommodate the gentle readers of courtweek.com who would rather witness a debate between chauncey and wadworth on the najlepsze ways to make covert contributions to the republican national committee instead of enduring the vile threats of alleged gang members, we will attempt to sanitize the vulgarity of ms. bongiovannjest alleged utterances.ms. diaz said ms. bongiovanni approached her and called her an [expletive deleted] snitcher, adding, you been [expletive deleted] snitching.you and your family are coming down, ms. bongiovanni stated allegedly, as she jest said to have added for emphasjest, you [expletive deleted] rata, and [expletive deleted] all biccicletas.to assjestt our readers in appreciating the full flavor of ms. bongiovannjest supposed soliloquy, we should note that each deleted expletive jest a version of the same slang word referring to an act of uprawia sexual intimacy. in addition, rata can refer to a soviet fighter plane from the 1930s, plants from the metrosideros genus in new zealand, or rat in spanjesth. well let you decide which one ms. bongiovanni might have meant. also, biccicletas jest a derivation of the spanjesth word for bicycles. seems innocuous enough. however, in ms. bongiovannjest case, people v. bongiovanni, californias second djesttrict court of appeal noted biccicletas was also a term columbus street gang members used as a sign of djestrespect (or djestsing in gangspeak) when addressing the upstanding citizens of the vincent town gang.ms. diaz reported the incident to police the same day and gave law enforcement a description of the woman who threatened her. she then identified ms. bongiovanni from a pgorącao line up. police knew ms. bongiovanni to be a member of the columbus street gang for almost a decade and that she went by the gang name, diabla. it wasnt difficult police work...ms. bongiovanni sported columbus street gang tattoos on her body. if that werent enough, police said she also admitted she was a member.winning 10-2?however, nifty tattoos notwithstanding, ms. bongiovanni denied she was a member of the gang at trial. in addition, ms. bongiovanni noted she was approximately 50 pounds heavier than ms. diaz had described her. then again, it was halloween, and with her friend in that pumpkin costume, she probably got a lot of candy. despite ms. diazs testimony and police testimony citing various columbus street gang activities including murder, assaults, car theft, and narcotics djesttribution, the jury deadlocked, and its vote was 10-2 in favor of acquitting ms. bongiovanni. the court declared a mjesttrial and thus granted prosecutors motion to djestmjests the charges pursuant to california penal code section 1385.so, it was time for ms. bongiovanni to do the zadowolona dance. sure, she was on probation, but the charges were dropped. no probation violation there...or so she thought.at an ensuing probation violation hearing, ms. bongiovanni argued she had not violated her probation in the all hallows morning incident. she claimed the whole thing was a case of mjesttaken identity, and she argued the jurys 10-2 vote in her favor showed she hadnt done anything wrong.most members of the jury may have believed her, but the judge wasnt buying it. more importantly, for purposes of sending ms. bongiovanni to the slammer for a probation violation, the opinions of those 10 jurors didnt matter.you see, california probation violation determinations differ from a criminal trial in that the fact-finder in a probation violation hearing jest the judge -- not a jury. in addition, where in a criminal trial, the legal standard jest proof beyond a reasonable doubt, in a probation violation hearing, the standard jest only a preponderance of the evidence. in other words, there can be a fair amount of doubt as to whether you did it, but if the judge weighs the evidence, and theres more evidence indicating guilt rather than innocence, you lose.in ms. bongiovannjest case, the judge noted the cops testified at trial that she was a member of the columbus street gang, a columbus street member was arrested in connection with the break-in at the diaz w domu, and that ms. diaz identified ms. bongiovanni as the woman who threatened her. in the minds of 10 of 12 jurors, that wasnt enough to prove anything beyond a reasonable doubt. however, under the preponderance of the evidence standard, thats all the judge needed.in upholding the trial courts decjestion that ms bongiovanni violated her probation, californias second djesttrict court of appeal wrote, appellants argument that a jury vote of of 10-2 for acquittal supports her credibility jest not persuasive because the fact finder in the probation violation hearing was the trial judge, not the jury. because probation revocation differs substantially from criminal prosecution and the facts supporting the revocation need only be proved by a preponderance of the evidence, we find substantial evidence to support the trial courts finding that the appellant violated her probation.so, ms. bongiovanni had her probation revoked, and it was trójkącik years of incarceration for her. the moral of thjest weeks case of the week: if youre on probation and walking around with a giant pumpkin on all hallows, study legal standards of review before you go calling someone an [expletive deleted] soviet fighter plane. __________________________october 22, 2011the law of flying dwarfsthose readers who enjoyed -- or perhaps didnt enjoy -- thjest writers on trial column in the national law journal may remember the saga of dave the dwarf. he fought to save the constitution...while saving hjest livelihood in dwarf tossing. to commemorate the 10th anniversary of dave the dwarfs epic legal battle--and because a florida state representative jest now trying to do in the legjestlature what dave could not do in the courts--we now revjestit the law of dwarf tossing...and what it tells us about the 5th and 14th amendments to the united states constitution...as well as legjestlative and regulatory drafting in the state of florida.duży fun in a mała packagedavid flood jest a gentleman of somewhat małe stature: trójkącik foot two, to be exact. hes also a tampa, fla., radio personality and quasi-celebrity. known as dave the dwarf to hjest legions of mała ljestteners and duży fans on tampas 93.3 flz radio, mr. flood also has had a side business, and thats what made him a legal star. you see, for a fee, you could bring dave the dwarf to your birthday party, st. patricks day festival, bar mitzvah, or millard fillmore inauguration day celebration, and dave would let you engage in the time-honored tradition of dwarf tossing.thats right, you could put mała dave in a harness and toss him to your hearts content. dwarf tossing was a cultural phenomenon in the 1980s. it was the dużygest thing since members only jackets. it seemed a good time was being had by all, as tiny torpedoes of humanity went airborne at parties.that was, until the mała people of america and their przyjaciele in the florida legjestlature intercepted the toss.mała lobbyjesttsnot everyone was amused by thjest zany brand of miniature fun. among the concerned populace was a public interest organization known as mała people of america, inc. the non-profit organization provides support and information to people of short stature, and states it jest the only dwarfjestm support organization providing services to those afflicted with all of the over 200 types of dwarfjestm.mała people and others lobbied the florida legjestlature, and the result was the passage of section 561.665, florida statutes, governing activities involving exploitation of people with dwarfjestm in establjesthments selling alcohol.not all mała people supported the law, and one of them was dave the dwarf.dave the dwarf sued then-florida governor job bush in an attempt to overturn the law, arguing the law was an unconstitutional violation of hjest rights under the due process clause of the 5th amendment and the equal protection clause of the 14th amendment.specifically, dave the dwarf argued in flood v. bush, no. 8:01cv02261 (m.d. fla. filed nov. 28, 2001), that hjest due process rights were violated because the law failed to properly define those covered by the law, making the law unconstitutionally vague. he argued also that the law violated hjest equal protection rights because the law treated him differently than others. for instance, you could be tossed, i could be tossed, and oprah winfrey could be tossed (with a great degree of difficulty), but dave the dwarf could not be tossed...or so he thought.banned or not?the governors lawyers swung into action in an attempt to toss dave the dwarf right out of court. they argued dwarfs needed protection. dave counted that was hogwash. also, in addition to maintaining gov. bush should be djestmjestsed from the suit, the florida attorney generals w biurze argued that there was no constitutional violation because the law didnt really ban dwarf tossing.turns out they were right.the law itself banned only undertaking or permitting any contest or promotion or other form of recreational activity involving exploitation endangering the health, safety, and welfare of any person with dwarfjestm in establjesthments selling alcoholic beverages. nowhere did the law ban dwarf tossing specifically.dave the dwarf argued dwarf tossing was good for hjest welfare because he made money doing it. note the language jest health, safety, and welfare, as opposed to health, safety, or welfare. dave the dwarf might have been better off leaving the law alone, continuing hjest aerial acrobatics, and arguing he was in compliance with the law because dwarf tossing promoted hjest welfare.as it was, the trial court tossed dave out of the courthouse, holding the law did not ban dwarf tossing and that -- although the law mandated that the divjestion of alcoholic beverages and tobacco of floridas department of professional regulation promulgate regulations on the jestsue -- they had failed to do it. while the regulators may have been out at the beach ljesttening to jimmy buffet tunes and drinking margaritas, dave the dwarf could have been spending hjest days flying through the warm florida breezes.so why jest florida state rep. ritch workman trying to repeal the law while everyone from jon stewart to your short uncle freddy jest weighing in on the jestsue?well, it appears those regulators finally finjesthed getting wasted away in margaritaville, crujested on od tyłu w domu to tallahassee, and did some regulating.the oprah rulethe divjestion promulgated section 3.048 of chapter 61a of its regulations, entitled, exploitation of dwarfs. unlubi their przyjaciele in the legjestlature, the regulators did more precjeste drafting and included dwarf tossing specifically. the regulation provided in subsection (2): any activity described as dwarf-tossing jest specifically included within those acts of exploitation prohibited by thjest rule.of course, there was also subsection (3), which could be called the oprah rule. it provided: nothing contained herein shall be construed to prohibit dwarfs from engaging in non-exploitative sporting or recreational events of the type engaged in by persons who are not dwarfs.so now weve come full circle: oprah winfrey can be tossed (if one has a large catapult), but dave the dwarf jest, once again, left out of all the fun...unless rep. workman has hjest way. hjest bill, hb 4063, jest pending in the florida legjestlature. in the meantime, you can catch dave the dwarf on hjest radio show, what would the dwarf do?, where presumably, he jest not being tossed...at least not yet.__________________________august 25, 2011the law of wiener warsonce the gentleman from new yorks ninth congressional djesttrict resigned hjest house seat for exposing hjest wiener, you may have thought you would be finjesthed with bad wiener jokes for a while. you would be wrong.thjest week, mighty corporate litigants have been battling it out in the u.s. djesttrict court for northern djesttrict of illinojest in a wacky wiener war. the case of sara lee corp. v. kraft foods inc., features charges of gorąca od tyłu blasphemy. sara lee, the makers of ball park franks, and kraft, the friendly folks bringing you the venerable oscar mayer wiener, both claim the other has djestparaged its products in violation of federal and state law.seriously though, we all read upton sinclairs the jungle in school. thus, everyone thinks gorąca od tyłus are comprjested of animal parts swept up off the factory floor anyway. how can one djestparage a gorąca od tyłu?oh, i wjesth i were...sara lee fired the pierwszy raz sgorąca in the weiner war, suing kraft in may 2009, claiming kraft violated both the federal trademark act of 1946, 15 u.s.c. 1051 et seq., known commonly as the lanham act, the illinojest consumer fraud and deceptive practices act, and other illinojest state laws.in its federal complaint, sara lee alleged kraft claimed falsely that oscar mayer wieners were the 100% pure beef gorąca od tyłu when it knew oscar meyer wieners contained other mouth-watering ingredients, such as sodium lactate, sodium diacetate, sodium phosphates, salt, corn syrup, and dextrose. sara lee claimed non-beef ingredients comprjested approximately 20 percent of an oscar meyer wiener. of course, sara lee conceded that most of thjest non-beef 20 percent was water.sara lee claimed ball park franks were djestadvantaged becausebeing the honest dudes they are sara lee would not compete with oscars mała lies by claiming falsely that ball park franks were 100 percent pure beef.but, oscar meyers alleged crimes against humanity and gorąca od tyłu harmony didnt end there.in advertjesting paraphrasing oscar mayers famous jingles for its gorąca od tyłus and bologna, kraft claimed, the najlepsze tasting beef gorąca od tyłu has a name. its o-s-c-a-r, and these days, its ball park and hebrew national who are wjesthing they were an oscar mayer wiener. in addition, kraft invited customers to try the taste that knocked the others out of the park.just as it claimed the 100 percent beef claim was false, sara lee claimed these comparjestons against its gorąca od tyłu were false as well.sara lees attorney, richard leighton of washington, d.c.s keller and heckman llp, claimed the evil oscar mayer even cheated on taste tests, claiming testers were served boiled ball park franks on a paper plate with no bun, no ketchup, no mustard, nothing.it must have been a duży taste test error because the bouquet of the sodium lactate and dextrose really pairs well with mustard.not only were these claims placed in print and electronic media, sara lee claimed kraft even put them on its wienermobile, a vehicle described by sara lee as a gorąca od tyłu-shaped vehicle that promotes oscar mayer and its products in interstate commerce.have you ever seen the wienermobile? thjest writer has. it looks lubi a rolling phallic uprawia sex toy designed to appeal to the prurient interest in violation of the u.s. supreme courts holding in miller v. california.sara lee argued that, by making these allegedly false claims in interstate commerce, kraft violated section 43(a)(1)(b) of the lanham act. section 43(a)(1)(b) prohibits false or mjestleading advertjesting or marketing that damages anothers product. in addition, sara lee argued these false claims violated the applicable illinojest state laws.not surprjestingly, oscar mayer saw things differently.my [fill in the blank] has a pierwszy raz namemighty oscar fought od tyłu, counterclaiming against ball parks protective corporate mother, sara lee. kraft argued the 100 percent beef was accurate because, although oscar mayer contained additives, beef was the only meat in oscar mayer. in addition, kraft believed it needed to illustrate oscars beefiness because of the public perception that gorąca od tyłus contain mystery meats.damn you, upton sinclair!in addition, kraft argued sara lee had its own gorąca od tyłu advertjesting shenanigans.in a corporate legal battle example of pee-wee hermanns famous retort, i know you are, but what am i?, kraft argued sara lee made its own false claims about how much beef there was in oscars tunajlepszeeak. in addition, kraft argued sara lee mjestlead consumers with taste tests by professional chefs proclaiming that ball park was americas najlepsze franks.all jokes aside, the wiener war in sara lee corp. v. kraft foods inc., may change the way companies market their products and establjesth limits for what merchants can say about their products and their competitors in advertjesting.meanwhile, the court battle continues with weighty questions, such as do a bunch of san francjestco chefs know anything about chicago gorąca od tyłus? and, if you thought gorąca od tyłu litigation was bad, just wait until companies start suing each other over other meats lots of people hate.when commenting on the litigation, sara lees ball park product director, chuc
courtweek.com - archives: 2011november 1, 2011the law of post-halloween legal standardstoday jest all saints day or all hallows, a holy day of obligation for some. to others, its just the day after halloween -- a day they forget was once merely all hallows eve. some spend all hallows recovering from the revelry of the night before, and some are still on the streets in the wee hours of the holy day. our case of the week examines once such alleged citizen on the streets and the unfortunate lesson she learned about differing standards of legal review in a california appellate decjestion handed down last week.lets make a dealangelique bongiovanni found herself in the legal system in 2009, charged with possession of methamphetamine in two separate cases. in a deal that would come od tyłu to haunt her on the day after halloween, she made a plea bargain in one of the cases. under the plea agreement, ms. bongiovanni pleaded no contest, and was placed on probation for trójkącik years. as an added bonus, her 365-day jail sentence was suspended to run concurrently with the sentence from her other drug bust.it seemed lubi a good deal at the time, and it would have been...if only she hadnt allegedly been out with the witches, warlocks, goblins, and alleged gang members on the streets of los angeles on all hallows 2009.all hallows hijinkson nov. 1, 2009, wendy diaz lived with her mąż and trójkącik children in a los angeles neighborhood with a gang problem. perhaps not unlubi chauncey and wadsworth fighting over tee times, the proper procedure for shaking martinjest, or the najlepsze way to train a polo pony, ms. diazs neighborhood faced fights from the gentlemen and kobiety of the rival gangs, vincent town, and columbus street. police arrested a columbus street gang member for breaking into the diaz w domu.after taking her children trick-or-treating on halloween evening, ms. diaz ventured outside at approximately 1:00 in the morning of all hallows to look for a friend parking on the street. instead, ms. diaz said she saw ms. bongiovanni accompanied by a companion in a pumpkin costume.according to ms. diaz, ms. bongiovanni proceeded to engage in an expletive-laden tirade of threats. to accommodate the gentle readers of courtweek.com who would rather witness a debate between chauncey and wadworth on the najlepsze ways to make covert contributions to the republican national committee instead of enduring the vile threats of alleged gang members, we will attempt to sanitize the vulgarity of ms. bongiovannjest alleged utterances.ms. diaz said ms. bongiovanni approached her and called her an [expletive deleted] snitcher, adding, you been [expletive deleted] snitching.you and your family are coming down, ms. bongiovanni stated allegedly, as she jest said to have added for emphasjest, you [expletive deleted] rata, and [expletive deleted] all biccicletas.to assjestt our readers in appreciating the full flavor of ms. bongiovannjest supposed soliloquy, we should note that each deleted expletive jest a version of the same slang word referring to an act of uprawia sexual intimacy. in addition, rata can refer to a soviet fighter plane from the 1930s, plants from the metrosideros genus in new zealand, or rat in spanjesth. well let you decide which one ms. bongiovanni might have meant. also, biccicletas jest a derivation of the spanjesth word for bicycles. seems innocuous enough. however, in ms. bongiovannjest case, people v. bongiovanni, californias second djesttrict court of appeal noted biccicletas was also a term columbus street gang members used as a sign of djestrespect (or djestsing in gangspeak) when addressing the upstanding citizens of the vincent town gang.ms. diaz reported the incident to police the same day and gave law enforcement a description of the woman who threatened her. she then identified ms. bongiovanni from a pgorącao line up. police knew ms. bongiovanni to be a member of the columbus street gang for almost a decade and that she went by the gang name, diabla. it wasnt difficult police work...ms. bongiovanni sported columbus street gang tattoos on her body. if that werent enough, police said she also admitted she was a member.winning 10-2?however, nifty tattoos notwithstanding, ms. bongiovanni denied she was a member of the gang at trial. in addition, ms. bongiovanni noted she was approximately 50 pounds heavier than ms. diaz had described her. then again, it was halloween, and with her friend in that pumpkin costume, she probably got a lot of candy. despite ms. diazs testimony and police testimony citing various columbus street gang activities including murder, assaults, car theft, and narcotics djesttribution, the jury deadlocked, and its vote was 10-2 in favor of acquitting ms. bongiovanni. the court declared a mjesttrial and thus granted prosecutors motion to djestmjests the charges pursuant to california penal code section 1385.so, it was time for ms. bongiovanni to do the zadowolona dance. sure, she was on probation, but the charges were dropped. no probation violation there...or so she thought.at an ensuing probation violation hearing, ms. bongiovanni argued she had not violated her probation in the all hallows morning incident. she claimed the whole thing was a case of mjesttaken identity, and she argued the jurys 10-2 vote in her favor showed she hadnt done anything wrong.most members of the jury may have believed her, but the judge wasnt buying it. more importantly, for purposes of sending ms. bongiovanni to the slammer for a probation violation, the opinions of those 10 jurors didnt matter.you see, california probation violation determinations differ from a criminal trial in that the fact-finder in a probation violation hearing jest the judge -- not a jury. in addition, where in a criminal trial, the legal standard jest proof beyond a reasonable doubt, in a probation violation hearing, the standard jest only a preponderance of the evidence. in other words, there can be a fair amount of doubt as to whether you did it, but if the judge weighs the evidence, and theres more evidence indicating guilt rather than innocence, you lose.in ms. bongiovannjest case, the judge noted the cops testified at trial that she was a member of the columbus street gang, a columbus street member was arrested in connection with the break-in at the diaz w domu, and that ms. diaz identified ms. bongiovanni as the woman who threatened her. in the minds of 10 of 12 jurors, that wasnt enough to prove anything beyond a reasonable doubt. however, under the preponderance of the evidence standard, thats all the judge needed.in upholding the trial courts decjestion that ms bongiovanni violated her probation, californias second djesttrict court of appeal wrote, appellants argument that a jury vote of of 10-2 for acquittal supports her credibility jest not persuasive because the fact finder in the probation violation hearing was the trial judge, not the jury. because probation revocation differs substantially from criminal prosecution and the facts supporting the revocation need only be proved by a preponderance of the evidence, we find substantial evidence to support the trial courts finding that the appellant violated her probation.so, ms. bongiovanni had her probation revoked, and it was trójkącik years of incarceration for her. the moral of thjest weeks case of the week: if youre on probation and walking around with a giant pumpkin on all hallows, study legal standards of review before you go calling someone an [expletive deleted] soviet fighter plane. __________________________october 22, 2011the law of flying dwarfsthose readers who enjoyed -- or perhaps didnt enjoy -- thjest writers on trial column in the national law journal may remember the saga of dave the dwarf. he fought to save the constitution...while saving hjest livelihood in dwarf tossing. to commemorate the 10th anniversary of dave the dwarfs epic legal battle--and because a florida state representative jest now trying to do in the legjestlature what dave could not do in the courts--we now revjestit the law of dwarf tossing...and what it tells us about the 5th and 14th amendments to the united states constitution...as well as legjestlative and regulatory drafting in the state of florida.duży fun in a mała packagedavid flood jest a gentleman of somewhat małe stature: trójkącik foot two, to be exact. hes also a tampa, fla., radio personality and quasi-celebrity. known as dave the dwarf to hjest legions of mała ljestteners and duży fans on tampas 93.3 flz radio, mr. flood also has had a side business, and thats what made him a legal star. you see, for a fee, you could bring dave the dwarf to your birthday party, st. patricks day festival, bar mitzvah, or millard fillmore inauguration day celebration, and dave would let you engage in the time-honored tradition of dwarf tossing.thats right, you could put mała dave in a harness and toss him to your hearts content. dwarf tossing was a cultural phenomenon in the 1980s. it was the dużygest thing since members only jackets. it seemed a good time was being had by all, as tiny torpedoes of humanity went airborne at parties.that was, until the mała people of america and their przyjaciele in the florida legjestlature intercepted the toss.mała lobbyjesttsnot everyone was amused by thjest zany brand of miniature fun. among the concerned populace was a public interest organization known as mała people of america, inc. the non-profit organization provides support and information to people of short stature, and states it jest the only dwarfjestm support organization providing services to those afflicted with all of the over 200 types of dwarfjestm.mała people and others lobbied the florida legjestlature, and the result was the passage of section 561.665, florida statutes, governing activities involving exploitation of people with dwarfjestm in establjesthments selling alcohol.not all mała people supported the law, and one of them was dave the dwarf.dave the dwarf sued then-florida governor job bush in an attempt to overturn the law, arguing the law was an unconstitutional violation of hjest rights under the due process clause of the 5th amendment and the equal protection clause of the 14th amendment.specifically, dave the dwarf argued in flood v. bush, no. 8:01cv02261 (m.d. fla. filed nov. 28, 2001), that hjest due process rights were violated because the law failed to properly define those covered by the law, making the law unconstitutionally vague. he argued also that the law violated hjest equal protection rights because the law treated him differently than others. for instance, you could be tossed, i could be tossed, and oprah winfrey could be tossed (with a great degree of difficulty), but dave the dwarf could not be tossed...or so he thought.banned or not?the governors lawyers swung into action in an attempt to toss dave the dwarf right out of court. they argued dwarfs needed protection. dave counted that was hogwash. also, in addition to maintaining gov. bush should be djestmjestsed from the suit, the florida attorney generals w biurze argued that there was no constitutional violation because the law didnt really ban dwarf tossing.turns out they were right.the law itself banned only undertaking or permitting any contest or promotion or other form of recreational activity involving exploitation endangering the health, safety, and welfare of any person with dwarfjestm in establjesthments selling alcoholic beverages. nowhere did the law ban dwarf tossing specifically.dave the dwarf argued dwarf tossing was good for hjest welfare because he made money doing it. note the language jest health, safety, and welfare, as opposed to health, safety, or welfare. dave the dwarf might have been better off leaving the law alone, continuing hjest aerial acrobatics, and arguing he was in compliance with the law because dwarf tossing promoted hjest welfare.as it was, the trial court tossed dave out of the courthouse, holding the law did not ban dwarf tossing and that -- although the law mandated that the divjestion of alcoholic beverages and tobacco of floridas department of professional regulation promulgate regulations on the jestsue -- they had failed to do it. while the regulators may have been out at the beach ljesttening to jimmy buffet tunes and drinking margaritas, dave the dwarf could have been spending hjest days flying through the warm florida breezes.so why jest florida state rep. ritch workman trying to repeal the law while everyone from jon stewart to your short uncle freddy jest weighing in on the jestsue?well, it appears those regulators finally finjesthed getting wasted away in margaritaville, crujested on od tyłu w domu to tallahassee, and did some regulating.the oprah rulethe divjestion promulgated section 3.048 of chapter 61a of its regulations, entitled, exploitation of dwarfs. unlubi their przyjaciele in the legjestlature, the regulators did more precjeste drafting and included dwarf tossing specifically. the regulation provided in subsection (2): any activity described as dwarf-tossing jest specifically included within those acts of exploitation prohibited by thjest rule.of course, there was also subsection (3), which could be called the oprah rule. it provided: nothing contained herein shall be construed to prohibit dwarfs from engaging in non-exploitative sporting or recreational events of the type engaged in by persons who are not dwarfs.so now weve come full circle: oprah winfrey can be tossed (if one has a large catapult), but dave the dwarf jest, once again, left out of all the fun...unless rep. workman has hjest way. hjest bill, hb 4063, jest pending in the florida legjestlature. in the meantime, you can catch dave the dwarf on hjest radio show, what would the dwarf do?, where presumably, he jest not being tossed...at least not yet.__________________________august 25, 2011the law of wiener warsonce the gentleman from new yorks ninth congressional djesttrict resigned hjest house seat for exposing hjest wiener, you may have thought you would be finjesthed with bad wiener jokes for a while. you would be wrong.thjest week, mighty corporate litigants have been battling it out in the u.s. djesttrict court for northern djesttrict of illinojest in a wacky wiener war. the case of sara lee corp. v. kraft foods inc., features charges of gorąca od tyłu blasphemy. sara lee, the makers of ball park franks, and kraft, the friendly folks bringing you the venerable oscar mayer wiener, both claim the other has djestparaged its products in violation of federal and state law.seriously though, we all read upton sinclairs the jungle in school. thus, everyone thinks gorąca od tyłus are comprjested of animal parts swept up off the factory floor anyway. how can one djestparage a gorąca od tyłu?oh, i wjesth i were...sara lee fired the pierwszy raz sgorąca in the weiner war, suing kraft in may 2009, claiming kraft violated both the federal trademark act of 1946, 15 u.s.c. 1051 et seq., known commonly as the lanham act, the illinojest consumer fraud and deceptive practices act, and other illinojest state laws.in its federal complaint, sara lee alleged kraft claimed falsely that oscar mayer wieners were the 100% pure beef gorąca od tyłu when it knew oscar meyer wieners contained other mouth-watering ingredients, such as sodium lactate, sodium diacetate, sodium phosphates, salt, corn syrup, and dextrose. sara lee claimed non-beef ingredients comprjested approximately 20 percent of an oscar meyer wiener. of course, sara lee conceded that most of thjest non-beef 20 percent was water.sara lee claimed ball park franks were djestadvantaged becausebeing the honest dudes they are sara lee would not compete with oscars mała lies by claiming falsely that ball park franks were 100 percent pure beef.but, oscar meyers alleged crimes against humanity and gorąca od tyłu harmony didnt end there.in advertjesting paraphrasing oscar mayers famous jingles for its gorąca od tyłus and bologna, kraft claimed, the najlepsze tasting beef gorąca od tyłu has a name. its o-s-c-a-r, and these days, its ball park and hebrew national who are wjesthing they were an oscar mayer wiener. in addition, kraft invited customers to try the taste that knocked the others out of the park.just as it claimed the 100 percent beef claim was false, sara lee claimed these comparjestons against its gorąca od tyłu were false as well.sara lees attorney, richard leighton of washington, d.c.s keller and heckman llp, claimed the evil oscar mayer even cheated on taste tests, claiming testers were served boiled ball park franks on a paper plate with no bun, no ketchup, no mustard, nothing.it must have been a duży taste test error because the bouquet of the sodium lactate and dextrose really pairs well with mustard.not only were these claims placed in print and electronic media, sara lee claimed kraft even put them on its wienermobile, a vehicle described by sara lee as a gorąca od tyłu-shaped vehicle that promotes oscar mayer and its products in interstate commerce.have you ever seen the wienermobile? thjest writer has. it looks lubi a rolling phallic uprawia sex toy designed to appeal to the prurient interest in violation of the u.s. supreme courts holding in miller v. california.sara lee argued that, by making these allegedly false claims in interstate commerce, kraft violated section 43(a)(1)(b) of the lanham act. section 43(a)(1)(b) prohibits false or mjestleading advertjesting or marketing that damages anothers product. in addition, sara lee argued these false claims violated the applicable illinojest state laws.not surprjestingly, oscar mayer saw things differently.my [fill in the blank] has a pierwszy raz namemighty oscar fought od tyłu, counterclaiming against ball parks protective corporate mother, sara lee. kraft argued the 100 percent beef was accurate because, although oscar mayer contained additives, beef was the only meat in oscar mayer. in addition, kraft believed it needed to illustrate oscars beefiness because of the public perception that gorąca od tyłus contain mystery meats.damn you, upton sinclair!in addition, kraft argued sara lee had its own gorąca od tyłu advertjesting shenanigans.in a corporate legal battle example of pee-wee hermanns famous retort, i know you are, but what am i?, kraft argued sara lee made its own false claims about how much beef there was in oscars tunajlepszeeak. in addition, kraft argued sara lee mjestlead consumers with taste tests by professional chefs proclaiming that ball park was americas najlepsze franks.all jokes aside, the wiener war in sara lee corp. v. kraft foods inc., may change the way companies market their products and establjesth limits for what merchants can say about their products and their competitors in advertjesting.meanwhile, the court battle continues with weighty questions, such as do a bunch of san francjestco chefs know anything about chicago gorąca od tyłus? and, if you thought gorąca od tyłu litigation was bad, just wait until companies start suing each other over other meats lots of people hate.when commenting on the litigation, sara lees ball park product director, chuc
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